A vegetarian in the making

"What's your favorite dinosaur, Kestian?"

"Styracosaurus. I don't like Tyrannosaurus rex, because he's a meat eater. I don't like the meat eaters."

That's right. Most kids love the T. rex. He's cool. He's no non-sense. He's a go-getter. But not Kestian. He doesn't like T. rex because he eats meat. As in other animals. So, yeah, with all the things Kestian knows about dinosaurs: what time period they lived in, their relative size to one another, whether or not they had feathers, he's also keenly aware of what each one ate. And this is the most important factor when deciding if he likes the animal. Clearly, to Kestian, the T. rex is just a big ol' meany preying on poor innocent plant eaters. Already at 5 he understands that every thing has to eat something, but he is clearly bothered at how some animals lose out in a big way if others are to get their supper.

You big meany.

Kestian's empathy for other living things is extremely strong. So much so that I have to be very careful about what I say or what he sees on TV. And let me tell you, it may not look like it but he is always listening. Take, for example, one day when I had the news on in the living room while the kids were in the playroom. I never watch the news while they are around in case there is something on that would upset them. But on this day it seemed safe as they were off in their own world. However, eventually, Kestian wondered in at the same time that a news announcer said something like "Flash flooding kills 7 people in New Jersey." Not horrible, scary stuff per se. But Kestian must have heard it and immediately repeated it and asked "Were Grandma and Grandpa killed?" (because, you know, they live in New Jersey...). I downplayed it as much as possible, but I felt so bad that he even came to that conclusion. I guess he's too young to know that more than 7 people live in New Jersey...

See? More than 7.

Or the other day, during a Jeopardy! commercial break, he heard that some people around here were trying to catch a loose bear. He asked if the bear was going to be OK. We had to reassure him that the people were just going to catch and move the bear, not kill it.

Great catch!

All this concern for animals, we are sure, will soon turn Kestian into a vegetarian in the not too distant future. He often asks about the food he is eating, and we are honest with him that yes, someone did kill the chicken, or yes, the bacon did come from a pig. He eats it all anyway, but we know he is filing it away for later when he finally decides that he cannot take part in the slaughter society.

Mmmm. Bacon.

And that's fine. None of us are vegetarians (and not because we don't care about animals but just because meat is yummy...), but if Kestian one day decides to go down the meat-free path, we can understand. He is the boy who always picks up the struggling worm on the sidewalk and gently places it in the grass. He's the one who tries to catch the bugs that get inside so he can take them outside. He is the boy who, already, seems to understand life and death and it's effects on others.

My sweet Kestian. You are wiser than your years lead anyone to know. Your compassion is unmatched. And that is why you are truly the sweetest boy.

The Green Monster

Kestian and Adelaide have always been skinny kids - sometimes painfully so, as they drown in their preemie clothes with their skinny limbs poking through:

1 month
(probably around 5 lbs each)

I only remember them skinny, but it seems that there is photographic evidence that at one time or another they did get some chub...

6 months
(14 lbs and 16 lbs respectively)

Still, chub or not, they have always fared on the low side of the growth charts. That's fine with me, as they have been healthy and wonderful just the same. But it seems that we have a whole new animal with Mr. Fenton.. You see, today Fenton is 8 1/2 weeks old...


And today Fenton wore a 6-9 month sleeper to school...


He's already weighing well over 13 lbs - close to what K and A weighed when they were 5 months old. Next week's two month check-up should be interesting...

---

Just as a side note: here are the stats (below) of when me and my brother were babies, and you can see Kestian and Adelaide's stats here.

Laura:
Birth - 8 lbs. | 20"
4 wks - 9 lbs. 12 oz. | 22"
8 wks - 12 lbs. 12 oz. | 23"
3 mos. - 14 lbs. 10 oz. | 25"
4 mos. - 16 lbs. |
6 mos. - 17 lbs. 11 oz. | 26 1/2"
8 mos. - 19 lbs. | 28 1/2"
12 mos. - 20 lbs. 8 oz. | 30"
15 mos. - 21 lbs. | 31 1/2"
18 mos. - 22 1/2 lbs. | 32"
2 yrs. - 23 1/2 lbs. | 32 1/2"
3 yrs. - 28 lbs. | 38"
4 yrs. - 32 lbs. | 38"
5 yrs. - 36 lbs. | 40"
6 yrs. - 40 lbs. | 44"

Ken:
Birth - 8 lbs. 4 oz. | 21"
5 wks - 10 lbs. 13 oz. |
3 mos. - 15 lbs. 8 oz. |
5 mos. - 19 lbs. 8 oz. |
6 1/2 mos. - 20 lbs. 7
8 mos. - 22 lbs. 8 oz. | 27"
12 mos. - 22 lbs. 10 oz. | 30"
14 mos. - 25-8 oz. |
18 mos. - 24 lbs. |
2 yrs. - 27 lbs. | 34 1/2"
3 yrs. - 29 lbs. | 36 1/2"
4 1/2 yrs. - 35 lbs. |
5 yrs. - 41 lbs. | 43 1/4"
6 yrs. - 40 lbs. | 44"

The Draft

Tonight is the NBA draft and I am excited. I don’t really follow the NBA much (just enough to know what is going on if I catch a game on during the weekend), as I am much more a college basketball kind of guy, but the NBA draft has always been special to me.

I didn’t realize it for some years, but there was a time (before the kids were born) where I probably watched the NBA draft every year for a good four or five years, which is really odd because we’ve never had cable. But yet, year in and year out I was able to chill out on motel bed and watch pretty much the whole draft because it always falls right around our anniversary (we just had our 13th).

Yeah, back in the day we would actually go places for our anniversary… back when we were young and could travel and didn’t have kids. I particularly fondly remember going to Chincoteague during a long trip from Kentucky to the coast. Chincoteague is a nice place, a basic resort beach town on a barrier island that isn’t as built up as the ones in NJ so it still has its quaint feel to it, plus they have lots of places to hike and explore and try to see feral (not wild) ponies and rare gray Delmarva fox squirrels. I liked it a lot and would like to go back some time (when the kids are a bit older obviously).

I think it was during that trip that I realized how many NBA drafts I’ve seen, but we also got treated to celebrity boxing where Manut Bol (who passed away recently) defeated Refrigerator Perry (who is not in great health now) for charity, and I think I also saw Joey Buttofuoco fight someone. It was all really odd, but the fun kind of thing that you enjoy while on vacation.

Once the kids got here we haven’t traveled too much. Sure we went to Canada last year, but mostly we’ve gone to safe choices like NJ where we’ve been before. With the kids it’s a crap shoot about if they’d like something or not so we’ve taken the easy choices where we know they’d be fine with.

But that takes the fun out of traveling, right? Half the fun (most?) is not knowing if you’ll like something or not and being pleasantly surprised or have a big failure of a vacation that you’ll be able to tell in stories for years to come. Taking risks. It is difficult to take traveling risks when you have kids, but should that stop us?

The kids stress me out, it’s true. Vacations with the kids aren’t a huge vacation for us, so maybe that is why we don’t want to have to deal with taking risks on the fun of one? (Also, we can’t go to places like Las Vegas or downtown Chicago as easily with them.) Perhaps we are being too wimpy? Paul and Maggie just spent a couple weeks in Spain and Portugal (while working!) with their two kids who aren’t much different in ages than Kestian and Adelaide. How the hell did they do that? I’m stressed just thinking about it!

Oh now, of course, we have a newborn and everything changes. Traveling now will involve bringing diapers, wipes, breast pump, etc. etc. etc. Kids…..

This is a moot point because we don’t have any vacation time this year, and I know that sort of wears Laura down (and me too, but at least I get to go to a conference). We can at least dream of next year or the year after, right? I swear, when Fenton turns two, we should go to Italy. I know the kids want to go (brainwashing works!), and I can speak well enough to get us by. K and A will be 7, which is probably a good time to travel, right? Oh yeah, a two year old…..dammit!

Really, I have a hard enough time entertaining the kids on the weekend let alone in a new place that doesn’t have ‘entertainment’ readily available. I just don’t know how to travel with kids, despite being a father for over five years.

Speaking of being a father, I’ll leave you with this meditation on fatherhood from comedian Louis C.K. He expressed my thoughts on lots of things more good than me can.


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An unexpected benefit...

Milk has been a big topic in our house lately. Kestian can often be found rattling off the different kinds of milk that he knows of: cow milk, soy milk, breast milk..., often in conjunction with some discussion about animals. He's wildly interested in animals and asks tons of questions as he tries to group things in his mind. We've told him that all mammals have fur and make milk, so he often asks if such-and-such animal makes milk, and then (somehow) ties that in to how his friend at school has to drink soy milk. It's a wonder that he hasn't asked what kind of animal "soy" is.

And Adelaide talks about it too, but more as it relates to feeding Fenton. She adores him so much, and is interested in every aspect of his life. So much so, though, that we are often having to say "Leave him alone!" as she is always touching and squeezing and rocking him. He's a hardy little baby, but I worry that she might get caught up in her enthusiasm and rock him a little too hard.

So yeah, feeding Fenton... This has been a long journey so far. When he was born, he was the perfect, big, baby. Right away I tried to nurse him, and he seemed willing to go for it. But within hours I was in so much pain. I figured it was just due to nursing a new baby. Then on his second night, when he was crying because he was hungry but my milk had not come in, I immediately saw the problem. As he cried, his little heart-shaped tongue set off alarms.


Before I could even think it through, I yelled out "He's tongue-tied!" The only reason this occurred to me was because when I was having so much trouble trying to nurse the twins, I came across that in my research as a possible reason for my lack of success. I don't know why I never pursued it, but it makes me wonder today if maybe, since it is a genetic disorder, whether they suffered from it as well. I can't remember them having the "heart" tongue, but latching just never worked. Hmmm... Well, I cannot dwell on it now. They got their breastmilk anyway.

So the next morning I asked the lactation nurse what she thought about Fenton's tongue, and she agreed. She sent for the pediatrician to examine him, who also agreed - and then offered to clip his tongue. Little did I know how uncommon that was. Turns out he's only one of maybe two pediatricians in the area who will do it. So the nurse frantically ran around getting this and that and we soon all gathered in the nursery for the clipping. After an unceremonious 2 minutes he was clipped and we tried to nurse. But I was already so sore that I couldn't tell a difference. The LC armed me with a nipple shield - you know, the "silly hat" - to use until I was healed.

I got better but even with the shield it was still painful. After discussing it with our pediatrician, we decided he needed to be clipped further, this time by an ENT doc. Fortunately, we got an appointment the same day and he was sympathetic to our case. Apparently, he doesn't like to do any clippings until the baby is about 6 months old, but I told him that we won't be nursing in 6 more days if this doesn't get fixed. Perhaps because he had a new baby himself he took pity on us. A few days later, Fenton's tongue was clipped again.

Still, nursing was a bit painful without the shield as I was not all the way healed, so I did not try to go commando. But all this irritation soon lead to bigger problems, as mastitis reared it's ugly head. I'm convinced that I got it because I just couldn't heal: infection was inevitable.

This bout with mastitis put me in the hospital for 5 days on IV antibiotics (and 5 more days at home with IV antibiotics). Onset was sudden. I went from feeling fine during the day, to a 102 fever in the evening, to a 104.3 fever by midnight. Damon was in a panic and soon we found ourselves - all five of us - in a local ER at 1:00 in the morning. The ER doc immediately admitted me and had no concerns about having Fenton stay with me. Mastitis or not, I was still going to nurse this baby.

While I was in the hospital, I met a lot with the lactation nurses, one who I remember from when the twins were born. Everyone was helpful and one even got him to nurse without the shield. Hooray! But it didn't last and I was still sick and tired - literally - from the mastitis. I would work on it when I was better. However, I was warned: use the shield for too long and supply could go down. And my supply did go down while I was in the hospital, but not from the shield but from the mastitis. I supplemented once or twice, but we made it through.

A few weeks after the mastitis affair, which was probably now a week ago, I noticed that Fenton was nursing differently. I can't really describe it, but it was different, so I dropped the silly hat and gave it a try. Adelaide, who is always within 3 feet of Fenton, noticed too and mumbled "I hope this works!" He nursed just fine. I was beaming. I still needed the shield sometimes, but there was hope - because up until then I had resigned myself to nursing for a year with the silly hat. Perhaps that won't be necessary...

But a few days later, I was sore again and I blamed it on hat-less nursing. But it still hurt with the hat. Hmmm... A few Google searches later and I realized I had thrush. I had it before when pumping with the twins - yes you can get it even when you exclusively pump - so it all came back to me. Of course, it didn't help that it was a Saturday and it would be days before I could talk to my doctor. Then, before I knew it, the redness and pain from mastitis was back. Oh no! But this time I wasn't hit with the high fevers that put me in the hospital. It was treatable with an oral antibiotic, thankfully, and is already getting better.

So yeah, I'm still using the silly hat, and will try again to get rid of it when I heal from this latest round of crap. It hasn't affected my supply like everyone said. In fact, I have been freezing probably 10oz of milk a day that Fenton doesn't eat - and he eats a lot, thankyouverymuch! I know I'll need it later.

So anyways, this whole nursing thing has been quite a wild ride. And I must say, the whole family has never seen so much boob as they have in the last few months. Yeah, it's always out. And at first, I was shy about it - for about 2 seconds - but figured the kids will just have to see how it is. And that's a good thing. I keep reading articles about how a woman's success with breastfeeding often can be tied to the support she receives - and especially the support from her male counterpart. I hope that Adelaide (as a future mom) and Kestian (as a future dad) are seeing all of this and think nothing of it...that it's just normal. Because it is. Yeah, it's a lot of work (so much that the kids often declare "Having a baby is a lot of work!") but it's what you do. I figure that if I ever want grandchildren, I better make it look at least do-able!

But while my main focus is providing Fenton's milk, I'm noticing that the kids are taking it all in stride. Kestian often walks by while I am nursing and approvingly pats Fenton on the head, declaring "He sure does LOOOOOVE to nurse!" while Adelaide is always asking how many bottles of milk I pumped at work, or if my boobs had enough to feed him today. To them, nursing and pumping is the norm (as it should be).

And that makes it so much more worthwhile. I'm glad that they can appreciate the work that goes into it, but yet it doesn't bother them. I'm happy to go through all of this for Fenton..the shield, the mastitis, the thrush, the mastitis again...because I know how important breastmilk is for a baby. But I am even happier to make two more future breastfeeding supporters for this world. I only regret that Fenton will not be able to observe this process for himself...


unless...

Happy Father's Day

Which is which?

Aren't these such cute pictures of Fenton? Hmmm.... Except one is NOT Fenton....


And again...

What we must pack in the car every morning...

Complaints, Parenting, Analysis, and Snark

I really like The Consumerist and I’ve read it for years and often find that it is entertaining and enlightening. They have stories about all sorts of interesting things, but sometimes they print letters from people who are complaining about something about their consumer experiences and just publish them and the company’s responses and let the masses give their opinions. Today they had one of those letters!

However, instead of having you go over there and read the comments (comments are hit or miss and usually suck, but weren’t too bad on this one), I’ve decided to just analyze the letter, FJM style!

(FJM stands for Fire Joe Morgan, a sports website that is now defunct, but who’s influence lives long on the internet, especially when people analyze and mock what someone has written line-by-line.)

First off …
Yes, this is first, we understand because you have it as the very first thing in your letter. I’m glad you pointed out that the first point in your letter is the first one and not actually the second one, because that would be confusing.

…I want to say that my family and I shop at SuperTarget weekly for groceries and other household items.
Note for later: They do their grocery shopping at SuperTarget weekly, which means they probably don’t go other places.

However after the incident tonight at our local SuperTarget we will be shopping elsewhere.
They had made a conscientious decision to shop at SuperTarget for some reason, maybe for prices, maybe for convenience, maybe for selection? As they state, they are loyal Target (errr…SuperTarget) customers who clearly prefer that store over others. What horror could have driven them elsewhere?!?!

Our youngest daughter was out of diapers so after dinner we made a trip to our local Target.
Now we get to the “giving way to much information in a complaint letter” part….

While there we let our two daughters, ages 2 and 4,
Oh, sucks to have kids at that age. So much work! Seriously. Babies ain’t nothing because kids that age are always getting into things, not listening, running around, and need constant supervision. Heck, our oldest are five and they are still a bit much to take to the store sometimes.

look at the toys in the toy section while we were looking at printer ink...
I thought you were getting diapers?

...a few aisles over...
Whaaaaat?!?!? Wait, you have a four year old and a freaking two year old and you leave them alone in a toy department a FEW AISLES OVER? Really, when most people say ‘a few’ they are usually downplaying things, so they were AT LEAST a few aisles away from their kids. Their two and four year old kids. Jesus Christ! What could they do that could possibly justify leaving your kids so far from you?

...but within eyesight of our daughters.
OH! You were far away from them, but you could sort of see them. Alone. In a store. A SuperTarget that is probably full of people.

So the question I had when reading this was: What could have happened that caused them to complain? Was their an attempted abduction? Were the kids hurt? Did something happen that was actually a bad thing?

While I was watching my daughters
Again he tries to justify is leaving his TWO and FOUR year old daughters alone by saying he was ‘watching’ them. When someone is lying they tend to try to emphasize little things that sound like something they are not.

I saw an elderly employee walk to them
Uh oh, I really hope this doesn’t turn into a Deep End of the Ocean style story….

and rudely tell them not to touch the toys unless they planned to buy them.
Aaaaand, that is really it. They are complaining because they left their kids alone in a toy store and an employee’s tone of voice was mean.

I don’t even believe
Which means you don’t know…

my kids were touching the toys
Because, you know, two and four year olds would NEVER touch toys in a toy aisle, especially when they are not supervised.

when he spoke rudely to them
Again, they are stressing the rudeness, because that is the worst thing about this. A lot like the time some idiot rear ended my car while I was stopped yielding to an ambulance. I started cussing her out when she asked me to not cuss around her children. I mean, she just put her kids life at risk and she is worried about my language? People are messed up.

but even so it frightened my oldest and sent her running and crying to me.
GOOD! Seriously, if a stranger talks to your kids when you leave them alone in a strange place, they SHOULD come crying to you. Also, you now had a two year old by herself many aisles away from any family member. Great job!

After witnessing this incident
But you didn’t really witness it. You sort of did, but you didn’t know what your kids actually were doing.

we immediately went to the front of the store and requested to speak to the manager.
Did you ever stop to get the diapers?

She appeared a few minutes later and I told her what happened and how frightened my daughter was.
How dare my child be frightened when left alone and approached by a stranger!

She apologized and said she would speak to the disgruntled employee.
Nothing about this encounter seemed to indicate that the employee was disgruntled. Put Roget’s down.

Though from her tone of voice and the fact that she walked the opposite way from where the disgruntled employee was at the time I don’t think she took my complaint seriously.
What was she supposed to do? Fire the employee? She’d have to file paperwork and explain why probably, and then have to hire another person while still staffing that position until the person is hired and trained. Berate the employee in front of you? That’s a good way of getting HER fired. Should she have given you free toner ink? Toys? Diapers? Seriously, didn’t you need diapers?

As we were leaving the store my wife tried to comfort our 4 year old and let her know she did nothing wrong.
I agree, the kid did nothing wrong; it was all the parents’ fault.

My 4-year-old responded by saying from now on we should buy our groceries at a normal grocery store.
Wait….I thought you went to SuperTarget EVERY WEEK for groceries? When did your kid know that there were other grocery stores? And really, does your four year old know the qualitative difference between a SuperTarget and a Kroger? Does she think “Hmmm….while they both have the same types of food, ‘normal’ grocery stores don’t have as much non-food. Unless you are in some of the aisles. Or it is a Kroger. Or Walmart.”

Hearing this caused my wife to start crying seeing that her 4 year old was too frightened to enter Target again because of this incident.
Ok, I’m married to a weeper, so I know what it is like to have a wife that cries at little things, but even I cannot believe your wife cried because you daughter didn’t want to come back to Target (wait, didn’t you make a big deal to emphasize it was a SuperTarget earlier?).

I am now writing to you,
Yes, we know. You know how? Because we have a LETTER from you. No need to narrate.

the corporate office and posting my letter to the Consumerist.com,
Which is where we find this over-written chronicle of bad parenting and entitlement.

in hopes that you will take this complaint seriously and take action against this employee before he frightens more children
Because old people are scary

and causes you to lose more loyal customers.
Was your loyalty really based on the fact that you could leave your children unattended without them being scared?

If your policy in the toy section is in fact, “Do not touch unless you plan to buy!” then you should remove all action toys with the TRY ME buttons
Are you saying the only reason you kids were touching the toys (which you swore they were not) was because your two and four year old could actually read the buttons? I imagine the children (probably named Isabella and Madison) had a conversation like this:

“Oh Isabella, dearest sister of mine, I know we shan’t be allowed to handle such lovely playthings that are boxed and arranged in a manner that is both pleasing and functional, but I yearn to! What ever shall we do?”

“Oh Madison, I too have pondered my long two years of life over such quandaries, and after long meditation and consultation with children who pee-pee in the potty, I have come to the only logical and suitable conclusion! We should, nay, we must, touch these because, as you can easily read on the tag script, it says to ‘try me’. Would ever a reasonable child of our age, an age old enough to be free of the shackles of parental supervision, be foolish enough not to take use of such an offer? I say nay!”

“Bella, such truer words of wisdom were never spoken! I, also, have read every gilded letters on these splendid aisles of wonder and, forsooth, have concluded that they also want us to ‘try’ them. Should this account for every toy and every box, even those that do not have such an invite on them?”

“Your question evokes such stirring of conflicting arguments in my head, but those cannot overcome the fact that some toys desire us to ‘try’ them. As such, we can only do the sane, rational, and most mature actions; we will play with these toys!”

“Bella, do not we also need diapers, or will Mother and Father leave us to look at NASCAR hats?”

because they are tempting children to touch them and that is not what you want.
Not keeping your kids from touching the the toys is probably the bigger cause of them touching the toys. They are kids. Kids like to touch toys. You need to keep them from doing that.

Needless to say, this person is an idiot who was not doing his job well as a parent. Yes, I will judge you! You are a bad parent who feels that Target owes you something. I think Target isn’t the store for you, you seem more of a Walmart kind of family.

Up for interpretation

My kids are great artists. I love all the drawings they bring home from school everyday. We don't just have a folder where we keep their artwork. No, we have boxes. As in plural. It's truly voluminous.

But even with all that they do bring home, every now and then one of their drawings just catches my eye. The other week the kids were doing a unit on animals or something and they all drew giraffes one day. I think their pictures speak for themselves - maybe not Adelaide's so much, but Kestian's is ... well ... interesting...


Ahem... Enough said.

Come see, come see! New blog look, new blog fun!

Pictures are up to date here and here, too!

Ch-ch-ch-changes

What do you see in this picture?


A simple day at the park? A nice opportunity to get out of the house? Or is it more than that? Is it a reflection of where we are at right now? With our new Mr. Fenton newly arrived in our lives, so needy and close to us on his journey (complete with his Droopy jowls)

Kestian and Adelaide are now well on their own path, starting their own journey without us so nearby...

I didn't take this picture with all these feel-sorry-for-myself thoughts in my mind. It was just a nice day at the park where the kids got to ride their bikes. But that is how I've been feeling lately. I've been noticing more changes with Kestian and Adelaide - changes that tell me they are growing up - and it's made me sort of sad.

Now, I'm well aware that Kestian and Adelaide are growing up. Heck, I'm reminded of it every time they turn into pouty teenagers and yell "I don't love you!" from time-out. But it all became so apparent when I came home from the hospital (the first time). I took one look at Kestian and was struck by a more defined bone structure in his face and how his wiry body was less comfy to snuggle up to. Where was my "sweet Kessie?" I was sad. But other things, things that make him so beautiful, seemed even more prominent at the same time. His long, thick eyelashes. His deep, penetrating glare.


Kestian was truly now a kid, and there was nothing left of him as a baby or toddler anymore.


Damon says I noticed it because I now had a new baby. Perhaps. But the realization was striking and put me back. Quickly I looked to Adelaide to see if she had "the change" too. No, not so much - until a few weeks later. I soon found that her face was more solidified, her body so lanky. But, now, you could see the beautiful woman she is going to be.


Still, my heart was so sad again. She was a baby no more.


I quietly thanked the powers that be that I have now a new baby to kiss and hug all the time. They may be ready to grow up, but I still need my baby fix.

But, of course, don't we all want our kids to grow and develop? Ask any mother: you'll get a strong YES and a strong NO at the same time. But while seeing them physically develop more was breaking my heart, I have been simply amazed at their mental progress.

Take for example this: Kestian was telling Damon that 6 plus 6 equals 12. The kids love this number game and anytime they blurt out "____ plus _____ equals _____", we ask them "What else equals ______?" to which they list all the combinations they can think of. You know, like 4 plus 1 equals 5, and 1 plus 4 equals 5, and 2 plus 3 equals 5, etc. But usually this just applies to small numbers. When Kestian brought up "12" I imagined he would say things like "10 plus 2 equals 12" and "1 plus 11 equals 12". But then he said "5 plus 1 equals 12". So we said, "Well 5 plus 1 equals 6...what equals 12?" His answer: "two 5's and two 1's equals 12". Well indeed! It was his casual reply at what seemed like a complicated answer that struck both Damon and I.

And then the other night, Adelaide and Kestian were talking about some words and how to spell things (another favorite game). Kestian was asking what F R O G spells, so we had him try and sound it out. He almost got it. But then Adelaide said how do you spell "sun?" I said, as usual, "Hmmm - why don't you tell me?" and she said "S U N" without hesitation.

When the heck did they learn to add and spell? I still think about it with pride, using it as comfort as I morn the loss of my babies. I guess that if they are going to grow up on me, they might as well impress me.


So now, as I look at our new baby, one that doesn't mind being kissed a thousand times or being held till my arms are so tired, one that has no where else to go and often I catch staring at me, studying me, for long periods of time...


...and as I watch Kestian and Adelaide grow and become people, and I embrace our dear Fenton with all the wonders that are his own, I feel truly lucky to watch all of my children turn into the individuals they are meant to be, even if I'm not ready.

Getting back to normal

But what is "normal" - as one must redefine normal with every life change. But things are pretty much the way they can be and should be with a new baby in the house. Where do I even begin today? I'm so out of sync with writing that I'm not sure how to get back into it. Well, I guess I'll just...get back into it...

So today I am back to work. Yes - already! 6 weeks was all the time off I could muster, and oh how that was a cruel sip from the ambrosia fountain. I sooo wish I had another 6 weeks. Especially because the 6 weeks that I was off was filled with sickness everywhere. My bout with mastitis in the hospital, then pink eye, then strep throat, then Kestian sick for a week with Rotavirus, followed by a day or so of healthy, followed by a night of stomach virus, with (not to be out done) a day of stomach virus for Adelaide. If I were to count how many days during my maternity leave no one was sick, I could probably count it on one hand. So in that way, it sucked. I just had so little new-baby time during my Baby Moon. I guess that's just how it goes sometimes.


But that's ok, really. At least it did all happen when I was out because I don't have any time now to take if anyone were to get sick at this point. So now I'm back to work and all the kids are in daycare. It's always hard leaving your child in a daycare. I still feel bad about it with Kestian and Adelaide, and they've been going for 5 years now. But life moves on and this is just the way of a busy, working family. Of course I tell myself that. Really, though, I just try not to think about it too much.

I must say, though, that we really lucked out this time. When you get a new baby, you never know what you are going to get. With the twins, we had preemies, we had trouble nursing, we had sleep exhaustion, we had insanity. With Fenton, we have healthy, we have easy going, we have a good nurser, we have a good sleeper.


I look back at our time with K and A as babies, and I think we must have been certifiably insane. Of course, we had no choice really, but still: insane. How did we ever do it? How did I pump all the time? How did I handle work with no sleep? How did we manage part-time daycare while both working full-time? How did either of us function? These are all reasons for why we have been so reluctant to have any more kids.

But now, with Fenton, it all seems so easy. Like "Yeah, a new baby? Just throw it on the (proverbial) pile." Now I will say that he does need attention, so much that Kestian has commented that "babies are a lot of work," but it doesn't seem so crazy as before. Sure, it's not two preemie babies who won't latch on or sleep, but actually that's why. That's the difference.

Fenton has no preemie issues, he nurses, he sleeps, he's happy. And he's started to settle into a nice pattern that I hope he keeps for a while. He naps throughout the day and evening, nursing off and on. But then come the evening, he may fuss here and there, and Damon will walk around with him which he likes. Then he nurses, snoozes, wakes up, repeats several times, until about 10pm, at which time he seems to settle into his night sleep. He then sleeps until about 3am, nurses, settles back down, and then sleeps until around 7:00 am (after which he may either be up or go back to sleep). This, of course, fits perfectly with my schedule. Go to bed, wake up one time, nurse the baby while I play on my phone, then everyone back to sleep until the alarm goes off - this works out great. Then (if it's a work day) I finish nursing him, go pump for the rest of the milk, and we get ready for work/school and off we go. I think I only get up about 20 minutes earlier than I used to. Of course this will all change when kindergarten starts, but I think we'll be able to adjust it.

This sleep pattern Fenton has, plus his ability to nurse, has made all the difference. Other than pumping at work or in the morning when the boobies are just too full, I don't have to bother with it all. Nothing - and I mean NOTHING - sucks more than being tied to a pump, every three hours, for a YEAR! (Can I get an "Oh Yeah!" Susan!? I feel for you, girl! Been there, done that!) And that I'm not doing that this time has made it oh so much more manageable. Now we still have some nursing issues related back to the tongue-tie and mastitis (namely my post-traumatic fear of getting mastitis again, so much so that I can't bring myself to nurse without a shield, but damn if that's the only "problem" so be it!!!)

The "silly hat" as it is known around our house.

So onward and upward. Already we have been just going on with life.
Trips to the arboretum...

Walks to the neighborhood park...

Already a trip out of town to the Cincinnati museums...

and just your run of the mill errands. I remember how we hardly ever left the house when K and A were babies. Anymore, with Fenton, it's not a big deal. And so far I have no fear of nursing while we are out.

So I guess things are going well. But I have to say, I feel like it's already going too fast. As Fenton already is outgrowing his clothes, I selfishly want him to just stay the cute, adorable baby size he is. I used to think I hated the infant stage, but now I'm lovin' it. Is it too soon to already think about just one more?

Pics (because I don't feel like writing)