Ticket to Read: Update

Apparently we have underestimated just how much the kids want to play Ticket to Ride. When we picked the kids up from school on Friday, their teacher said to me: "Apparently I am supposed to teach Adelaide how to read...so she can play Ticket to Ride." Yes. It is that serious.

Meanwhile...tea parties are the current obsession...

Just add snow

After giving sufficient sacrifices to the snow gods, mercy was finally granted upon us. We got about 4 inches of the wonderful white stuff, just calling to us to play (and some of us to shovel). Of course, I am in no shape to do anything but complain, so my "play" was limited to sitting in a chair that took me 10 minutes to find a way out of. But the kids had a good amount of fun making snow angels...


Then the kids wanted to make a snowman. The snow was sticky enough, but I was unable to successfully direct the youngsters in the construction of said snowman. This was the best that they kids could do...


I actually think it's awesome.

Lucky me

I've been trying to think of something to write this week, and haven't come up with much. I'm too tired to write something passionate, too stressed to write something fun, and too busy to write something interesting.

So today, I just have pictures of my beautiful children. I can only imagine what this next one will look like.

Ticket to Read

Ticket to Ride is this new game Damon got and has been trying to get me to play. And I would play it if I weren't so tired in the evening and so completely uncomfortable 98% of the time. Meanwhile, the kids have seen it and they want to play it. Badly. But since it is a strategy game involving cards that they must read and keep to themselves, they really need to learn how to read first.

Often Damon and I have asked each other just how close they are to spelling and reading. They can usually guess the first 2 or 3 letters of a word just by sounding it out, with a little bit of prompting on our part.

"How do you spell 'blanket'?"

"Blanket. Bbbbblanket. What do you think bbbblanket starts with?"

"B!"

"Good. Now what do you think comes next? B-lllllllanket... B-lllllllanket..."

"L!"

and so on.

Other times they have just outright pointed to something on the computer and said the word they saw. Astounded, I have tried to figure out if they actually read it or just already new the word was there and called it out. Just like if someone told me what a Japanese word was, I may not read it when I see it later, but more likely recall what someone told me it was. But doesn't reading basically boil down to recalling symbols (letters) - symbols in a prescribed order? I would argue that there is a fine line here. They are already able to see a "word" and remember it for later, and that is arguably the foundation for starting to read. Yes, they will have be able to take a string of letters they haven't seen before and discern what the word is before they can master reading, but it starts somewhere. And I'm pretty sure it starts here.

Anyhow, the kids, have been very excited about learning to read. Pouring over books. Writing out their letters. Asking "How do you spell (blank)?" incessantly. Asking "What does this say?" And it all became apparent recently as to why learning to read is more important than ever. The other night they asked Damon if they will be "good Kindergarten readers" to which he replied "Of course!" They promptly replied back, "Good. Then we can play Ticket to Ride."

A greater power

The day has been long. I am weary. Yet, the more tired I grow, the more you make yourself known. As if you were controlled by some greater power, you seem to wake up as I try to wind down. I must move. I must walk. It is uncontrollable. Yet I am tired. Sometimes I can trick you, and fall asleep before you wake up. But usually, you are three steps ahead of me. You rise early in the evening. I can barely sit through dinner or relax on the couch. I take a shower, hoping to wash you away, hoping you would evaporate with the steam or slide down the drain. Indeed, you flee as quickly as you came. But the relief is temporary as you make plans to visit again. I cannot make you stay away. I am your prisoner. You come back every night. You stay sometimes for hours. Perhaps you need company. Perhaps you need something to do. I just think you need to go. You are not wanted here. Even when sleep comes, and forces you out, you sit in waiting. The moment I wake to tend to a child, you come back like a lonely puppy – happy to see me and completely devoted. We start all over again. I push you away, you push back. I appreciate your persistence. I appreciate your loyalty. But your efforts are misdirected. I keep hoping that you will find your independence and leave me, but instead you grow ever more connected. Ever more present. Anymore, you are just part of me. I know you always will be.

Learn more about RLS

Hooray!

I've been avoiding the news a lot these days. I mean, more than usual. The whole Haiti earthquake thing is so heart-wrenchingly tragic that I can't bear to read a headline or see a picture about it without crumpling inside. My defense: avoid it. Yeah, may not be the best, but I'm in a hormonal state that just can't cope with it all right now.

But today I saw this picture, and I couldn't stop looking at it. It was of Kiki, this young boy who was just rescued 6 days after the quake.


The look on his face. The wide open arms. It struck me as so familiar. Then I remembered why. The moment my Adelaide was born, she seemed to have the same expression: joining the world, arms wide open.


Hooray for life!

Baby business

I know some people read the blog to keep up on baby news, so here's the latest and greatest:

We met with our OB earlier this week. We have decided to stay with him, at least for now. We had an ultrasound and everything still looks good. So good, in fact, that he doesn't want me back for 3 weeks. Yeah, "bedrest," go find someone else to suffer your wrath! HA! Baby is head down - so that's good as far as breech-issues go. Doc says things still look good for a VBAC.


In related news, we met with a potential doula last weekend. I met her earlier but have just gotten around to an actual interview. I guess I've been sluggish on it as we have been trying to ascertain just what our chances of having a VBAC are. If there's no chance for a VBAC, why hire a doula? But since things are still looking good, I think she's the gal to go with.

Now I've been going through stuff to see what we have vs. what we need. I dug out all the baby clothes I have either saved or recently acquired, and now I'm not sure if I have enough things. With just one baby I am having a hard time gauging, because with the twins last time they would share a lot of their clothes, so I didn't need "twice of everything"...more like 1 1/3 times everything. But now, what is "everything"? Just how many sleepers do I need? I have tons of onesies, but I just don't know if I have enough of other stuff. But that's not to say that we don't already have a lot of what we need...

Changing table - Check!
Diaper pail - Check!
Moby wrap - Check!
Bobby pillow - Check!
Breast pump - Check...sort of...(I have one, but the pump is weak, so I'm looking for a better one)
Bottles/Nipples/Bottle brush etc (for breast milk when I have to pump) - Check!
Pack N Play - Check!
Swing - Check!
Bath tub thingy - Check!
Bouncy seat - Check!
Diaper bag - Check!
Receiving blankets - Check!
Monitor - Check!

Hmmmm...really I think except for some clothes, I just need a stroller/car seat and some diapers. Oh yeah, and a minivan*. It doesn't seem like we are getting as much junk as last time. Am I forgetting anything else? Let me know, as I may have totally missed something. (If you say "crib" - no, I did not forget that...)

*Speaking of minivans, since we have to get one because of little Damon Jr., we looked at those last weekend too. Yeah, it's about everything I thought it would be. All minivan-ish. We looked at the Kia Sedona, the Honda Odyssey, and the Toyota Sienna. Damon didn't like the Honda, but to me all 3 were about the same. But the Honda base model was pretty feature-less, and to go up one level makes it a lot more expensive. Ultimately it came down to finding an 8-passenger model. Kia doesn't have any. Honda does, but only the more expensive versions. Then there's Toyota. Lovely Toyota. They have an 8-passenger in the one-step-up-from-the-base model, which is not too expensive. Why an 8-passenger? It's not that we need 8 vs. 7 seats, but more about the placement of the seats. With all the 7-passenger models, the middle row is 2 captain's chairs, and the third row is a bench. If there are only 2 seats in the middle, then someone (most likely both the older kids) needs to go in the way back. And the only way you can access those back seats is to climb all the way in. If the kids were older and could buckle themselves, it would be fine, but they can't and I'm not about to crawl into the back every time to buckle/unbuckle them. Yeah, that will get old in about 30 seconds. But with the 8-passenger, there are 3 captains chairs in the middle row, and each can hold a car seat. So all 3 kids can sit in the middle and we can put the back row down for more room.


We considered looking at SUVs or cars that can fit 3 in the backseat, as there are some. Well, just our luck we get one of those and somehow find ourselves pregnant again in 2 years. I don't know if that will happen, but it could. Then we'd have to get a minivan then anyways. So it's just easier to place the safe bet, and I'm sure we'll be towing the kids' friends around soon enough, so it's just as well. I guess we are about ready to get the minivan. All that is stopping us is not wanting to pay for it. Hopefully I'll get some huge bonus at work (hahahaha) or we'll strike oil in the backyard. Until then, delay seems to be the best strategy.

Ok, ta-ta for now!

Whatever it Takes

In the 3 or 4 years that I have been blogging, I guess I never wrote out much about my experience with breastfeeding. Those of you close to me know all about my pumping saga from bits and pieces here and there, but I guess I never went into much detail about it. And that is strange to me since breastfeeding is so important to me.

So recently I was asked to write about my breastfeeding experience for another blog. The post is up today if anyone wants to read it. I really could write about breastfeeding from about 7 different angles, but this post I think gives some insight to the struggles that can occur when trying to breastfeed preemie twins. No one said it would be easy, and in my case it certainly wasn't.

Whatever it Takes

In case the link is broken, here's the whole article:

I had a somewhat difficult pregnancy. The first part of my pregnancy was pretty average, but at around 24 weeks I was put on immediate and indefinite bed rest (which was frustrating and difficult). After 8 weeks of being bed-bound, a series of events (which involved, oddly enough, lunch and multiple dentist appointments in one day) led me to an emergency c-section at 33 weeks to deliver my beautiful son and daughter. Thirty-three weeks is way early for a singleton, let alone twins, and so my kids were not strong or healthy enough for this world at birth and were immediately sent to NICU. Although I had already decided on breastfeeding them, it seemed even more important because they were premature. I told the NICU nurses “NO FORMULA” and they promptly handed me a pump.

For anyone who is not intimately familiar with a breast pump, it is just what you would imagine (only worse). It takes a good twenty minutes to effectively release all the foremilk and hindmilk, so I had to pump both breasts at the same time or else I would be spending half my day pumping (instead of only a quarter of it). And let me tell you, I have never felt more like a cow than I did when I would listen to the "shrunsh, shrunsh, shrunsh" of the pump, though strangely I never felt like more of a mother either. I knew that I was the only one who could provide this for my children and that what I was doing was only going to benefit my kids, both immediately and later.

The pump was supposed to be temporary; I had every intention of nursing my kids as soon as they were strong enough to. While they were in NICU we had many practice sessions with the kids on the boob, often not successful, but we were trying and they were getting stronger. When the kids did finally leave NICU at 15 days old, but still preemies and hardly 5 pounds each, they struggled with the strength required to feed from the breast. The bottle was so much easier for their weak little bodies.

And so it went. We would try to nurse, fail, then feed them bottled-breast milk. Next time will go better! Only it did not ever get better. I talked to lactation nurses, went to La Leche meetings, met with other nursing twin mothers, and just tried and tried and tried. One day (the kids were about 6 weeks old) I was talking about this to a lactation nurse when she told me that it was “too late.” I had been told earlier (maybe even by this same nurse) that preemie babies often aren’t ready to nurse until they are closer to their original due date, which would have been 7 weeks old. But now the nurse was telling me that if they aren’t nursing by 6-8 weeks, they aren’t ever going to. It was a damned Catch-22. Wait long enough for them to be developmentally ready to nurse, and I will have waited too long for them to learn to nurse. Dammit all! Whether or not this really was the case, I also had the immediate problem of my maternity leave running out. How could I work on nursing while I’m at work all day? Still wanting them to have breast milk, it was then that I decided that I would just keep pumping for them.

Now pumping, like nursing, is quite a commitment. The mother still has to do all the work either way, but pumping seemed to be the worst of all worlds, with none of the intimate bonding during nursing and none of the convenience one has with formula. I had to nurse a machine but still wash all the bottles and do all the prep and storage of the milk while keeping a nursing schedule so that my supply would not waiver. Skip a few pumpings and supply drops. So there was never a “Honey, can you feed the kids while I sleep” time. Even if my husband fed the kids, I still had to get up and pump. And boy did I pump. Since I was making milk for two babies, to keep my supply going I pumped every 3 hours round the clock for 6 months. I never had the opportunity to sleep for more than 2 or so hours at a time for those 6 months. You would be surprised just how well you can actually function as a chronically-sleep-deprived individual, although I wouldn’t recommend it even to my enemies. I finally gave up night pumping and just pumped during the day around the time we started the kids on cereal (about 6-7 months) and continued until they were a year old, still pumping about 5-6 times a day.

However, at about 10 months into pumping, my supply could absolutely not keep up with two growing babies. I had low supply issues earlier on, but I had always found ways to overcome them. This time, the kids' growth rate was just outdoing my production rate, and none of my previous tricks were helping. Everything had gone so well up to this point as far as giving my kids breast milk, but now I had to make a decision, although there really was no decision about it: I was going to have to use formula. I continued to stress about this. My freezer supply of pumped breast milk dwindled away. I did finally supplement with formula (one or two bottles a day), but the bulk of what my babies got was breast milk for those last few months until they turned one (when supply issues again reared their ugly head and forced me to stop altogether).

With working full time, having only part-time daycare (we can talk about that later!), all the pumping, sleep deprivation, dealing with not one but two infants, and my eventual willingness to use some formula, why didn't I just use formula more? It came down to what I felt was more of a responsibility to my children than a choice for myself. After all I read about breast milk and formula, I could not give my kids formula as their primary source of nutrition when breastmilk was available. Yes I was tired. Yes I hated the pump. But this wasn’t about me. This was the only opportunity when I could provide this nutrition, these antibodies, these benefits to my children who were developing at one of the most rapid rates in their lifetime. I came from the perspective of “I’m going to breastfeed until someone can show me that formula is at least equally beneficial for my babies,' but since no one really knows all that is in breast milk (and therefore can't fully replicate it), and since formula does not contain antibodies or change with babies needs plus all that other "special stuff" that makes breastmilk so wonderful, breastfeeding was it. For me, any costs were heavily outweighed by the benefits.

I would like to think that now that my kids are almost 5 years old, I am still seeing the benefits of my work. My kids were hardly ever sick as infants (let alone preemies), maybe one or two ear infections and the usual colds that go around, but for 2-month preemies that is a great. As they have gotten older, they still are hardly ever sick (I think in the past year we have been to the pediatrician once), they are smart, they have no developmental delays, and are just as “normal” as any full-term child. Would they be this way if they only had formula? I don't know, but why should I even wonder? I know that they were given best thing for them. Now that I am pregnant once again, I look forward to the opportunity to do the same for my new baby. I so hope that nursing will go easier this time, but if I have to, yes I will pump again.

Whatever it takes.

I don’t intend to pepper this post with a lot of data about breastmilk or formula. Every person can do their own research if it is that important to them. But even just doing a quick Wikipedia (yeah, I know, but it can be a good starting point) search as a form of preliminary investigation shows some basic information on the two approache:

Infant Formula http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infant_formula

Breast Feeding http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breastfeeding

I encourage anyone stressing over this topic to look into as many resources as they can to find what is best for them. Any mothers looking for resources on breastfeeding (or pumping!) may want to start with:

KellyMom http://www.kellymom.com/

La Leche League http://www.llli.org/

Breastfeeding.com http://www.breastfeeding.com/

Fun and Something

So the kids are almost five, huh? (Wait, I won’t be able to say ‘the kids’ and only mean them pretty soon. Dang.) When should I introduce games to them?

We already taught them checkers, but they haven’t played that in awhile. I think I’ll restart them playing against each other, and further teach them that multiple jumps are possible (deadly with a king). They need to start playing for keeps at checkers, however, because they need to learn two things: 1) you play a game to have fun, but you also do your best to win, and 2) if you lose, it is ok and you just keep going. I want them to be good winners and good losers, and to do that they need to try to win and occasionally fail. We’re lucky they have each other to play against, so they will always have an appropriate-aged kid to play against. Now, who will play with Damon Jr. when he comes along?

We also have Canned Eland and Shoots & Latters, and the kids will play them sometimes, but those are more randomly decided games. Games are great for fun and being good winners/losers, but the best part of games is that they make you THINK. Strategy, trying to predict what your opponent will do, taking risks and chances. Those game don’t nurture them, but checkers does. What we need to do is try to get a few of those games for the kids to play.

So right now, the kids know how to play checkers and dominoes (the game, not the lining up and watching them fall thing), both of which I always love to see them play. I think we’ll start encouraging them to play those a bit more. What other age-appropriate thinking games are there out there? They play concentration, but that isn’t competitive, and the real education in playing games comes from learning about humans via your competitor.

I think I’ll also teach them Go Fish sometime soon. They need to start learning card games anyway (much like board games, I love card games, though somehow I married Laura), and despite the simplistic nature of Go Fish, it is a game where you have to have some strategy and react to an opponent also having a strategy.

The real goal here, of course, is not so much to teach them to think and use their mind, but instead is to train them so they can play better board and card games with me when they get older! Yes, we will have multiple game nights every week. This is my dream (ask Laura). I will have expert Catan players by the time they are 10.

Relatedly, my slow attempt at getting Laura to play board games with me is going well. She likes Settlers of Catan a lot (thanks Paul! seriously), and we play online sometimes with friends (because you need 3-4 players and the basic game is free online to play). I did buy the 2-player card game the other day and it looks damn fun, but Laura has been too tired lately to try it. I also ordered Ticket to Ride and we’ll try it once it arrives. She is so going to participate in game night when the kids are older.

Ok, I’m rambling here, so I might as well keep going. I am strongly considering buying a keyboard (possibly with a midi plug into our computer) to help teach the kids some music stuff. Piano is wonderful in that it is very visual (especially if anything is in the key of C), and even though I don’t know how to play it per se, I know music and can teach the kids lots of stuff with it. I figure they can play around with melodies and I can teach them chords. I think I’ll also start teaching them chords on the mandolin when they get a little older (they need a little bigger hand for that one). Maybe learning chords will also teach them to harmonize?

You know the odd thing about this? Everything I think about for them I have to re-think for the next kid in five years. Maybe Kestian and Adelaide will take initiative to teach all this stuff to DJ for me.

I'm a woman with a plan (not really)

So yesterday we went to see "Midwife #2." This midwife was referred to me by two separate friends as a great person to work with considering my VBAC goals. Expectations were high.

Now this midwife is not in Lexington, but a town or two over. That has been a concern of mine for being able to keep appointments and for the delivery itself. I really cannot afford to take time off of work to go to appointments since I already don't have enough time for maternity leave as it is (as if I don't have enough to worry about). Doc appts must be kept to a short length and worked into lunch in order for me to keep saving what precious hours I have. (And since I'm not driving for the rest of this pregnancy because of some low blood pressure/passing out issues, I have to keep Damon's time in mind.)

Such was not the case with MW2. We arrived a few minutes early for the appt and then waited over an hour past our appt before she walked in. I'm hearing that this is par for the course. True, I shouldn't let that be the reason I don't see her, but since I would have to leave an hour before my appt to allow enough time to get there, then if I have to wait an hour to see her, then the appt, then the drive back, and if I have to go every 2 weeks, then soon every week, we're going to have a problem in terms of time. It is an issue for me. But anyhow, I am keeping an open mind.

So we chatted about my situation, her experience, and what I can expect if I move my care over to her. Honestly, the jury is still out. I did find that she was more relaxed and at the same time seemingly accommodating to what I wanted. I liked some of the things I heard, which basically came down to "this is your baby, your birth, you will be making all the decisions." That's good to hear. But nothing really jumped out to say "THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEED." And I was really looking for that. I knew the minute we interviewed the OB for my last delivery (who sadly doesn't do deliveries anymore) that she was who we needed to work with, and I guess I was a bit disappointed that the connection wasn't there with MW2.

As I talked to Damon about why we are even looking at midwives, who has been to all these appointments with me, he felt that the concerns I have with Dr. Campbell did not seem as much of a concern from what he heard. That Dr. C does sound like he will work with us on the VBAC and that the "conditions" I have been concerned about may not be such set rules as I think they might be. Yes, it's interesting how we can both be listening to the same thing and get a different take on it. And that is, of course, why I'm so glad he has come to all these appointments.

I have another appt with Dr. C next week, and I may talk to him some more about it. But really, there's not much more we can talk about until we get further along, know if the baby is breech or not, see whether any health conditions develop, and whatever else.

Damon is more comfortable delivering at the hospital closer to us (the same one Kestian and Adelaide were born at), and logistically it does work better for us. The hospital is one of the best birthing hospitals in town, plus the hospital is opening a brand new birthing facility this March, which I hear will be fantastic to use. But again, that can't be the reason we go with MW2 or Dr. C.

I guess I have some concerns/reservations when I look at my choices, and there just aren't a lot of healthcare providers I can look at for a VBAC. Dr. C. is extremely well-respected for the work he does. Hands down he is the best high-risk OB around, so I am lucky to be in his care. But MW2 is also highly respected in the midwifery circles, and that's nothing to ignore.

Will I get better care and a better delivery with MW2 over Dr. C? Will Dr. C truly let me VBAC? Even MW2 said that if Dr. C says you can VBAC, you will get a VBAC.

I guess for now I will stay the course. I'll keep MW2 in my back pocket, see how the next few appts and discussions go with Dr. C, and maybe things will become more apparent. While I probably don't want to switch care 2 weeks before I deliver, it's not like it women haven't done that before.

One way or another, the table has not been set.

Who's on first?

Adelaide: Is tomorrow a school day?

Me: Uh-huh

Adelaide: What? "Uh-huh"?

Me: Yep

Adelaide: Huh? "Yep"?

Me: Yeah

Adelaide: What? "Yeah?"

Me: YES!

Adelaide: Oh

What will he look like?

As we are now a mere 102 days (roughly) away from welcoming our new family addition, chatter around the house has been about what the little fellow will look like. Back when we were pregnant last time, I supposed we thought about it some, but we never, ever, ever, thought we'd get a blond baby. That surprise has kept us wondering about all the possibilities we could see in this new baby. Maybe this baby will have curly hair! How about that for a surprise?

So we asked the kids what they think the baby will look like. Now that Adelaide is all on-board with the baby brother thing, she seems hopeful that he will have dark hair like her, and Kestian thinks he'll have brown eyes (that's almost a guarantee). But we wonder, will he be fair-skinned like Kestian is, or more darkly-complected like Adelaide. Now I'll tell you, skin complexion is one area I never thought they would differ so much on. I guess being siblings, let alone twins, I expected them to share at least some physical traits. The differences with them just go on and on. In fact, I struggle to find similarities between the two. They differ on:

• hair color and texture (Kestian is blond and coarse; Adelaide is brown and fine)
  
• build (Kestian is much more "hearty;" Adelaide more "delicate," even though they basically weigh the same amount)
• eye color (yes, both brown, but Adelaide's are much darker, and Adelaide's were the dark brown they are now by the time she left the hospital(this picture was taken the first day that Adelaide opened her eyes...probably a week old)
  
  ...it took months before Kestian's turned to the brown he has now - yet another difference)
• feet/hands (Adelaide has very narrow feet and delicate hands, whereas Kestian's are broad and "full." I can tell the difference between them just by holding their hands.)
• personality (Kestian has always been more laid-back, but socially friendly; Adelaide is very stubborn but attentive)
• smell (they smell different from each other, but I can't really explain how)
• voices (I've always been able to tell their voices apart, from pretty much the first day I heard them cry. Rarely do I mistake one from the other.)

Hmmm...what else? Or more like: is there anything that is the same between the two? There just aren't many, if any, physical similarities, but they do have many similarities in other areas. They both started walking on the same day, and they both had the same first words ("down" and "uh-oh"). And probably more of their similarities lie in their intelligence, creativity, compassion, humor, playfulness, etc. But these are not obvious things to discern.

Anyhow, just as another excuse to post the most beautiful hospital pics of babies you can ever find (not that I am biased), here's what the kids looked like the day they left the hospital at 15 days old...


What will Orsetti baby #3 be like?

(And in case you have some thoughts, go ahead and enter them into our poll. It's not fun if you don't play!)

Trying to move on

Dear friends involved in the recent Facebook-breast-cancer-awareness-status-update-debacle (and anyone else interested in why I am still upset about it),

I’m writing an open letter to all that was involved in the whole “thing” that went down this weekend on my Facebook page, and then continued on my friend’s page, then posted on her blog. I’m sure Damon would like me to let it go, and probably Karen and Joslyne have moved on, but I am still stressing on about it probably because I’m pregnant and my hormones are a big frothy mess. And it doesn’t help that my ability to drop things that get me worked up is way underdeveloped. But at the same time I don’t want to harbor ill feelings. I just feel that I need to say some things before I can move on.

It has really bothered me that all this went down like it did. I posted the “breastfeeding lowers the risk of breast cancer” status on Facebook to bring a different slant to the whole “bra color awareness” meme. I liked the idea of reminding women of something (one of many things) they can do to lower breast cancer rates, rather than tell people I have a white bra. But it somehow turned into some battle over breastfeeding and choices. I find it hard to disagree with any of Damon’s or Karen’s comments regarding the benefits of breastmilk and why too often women don’t breastfeed. Maybe because I live in Kentucky, with one of the nation’s lowest breastfeeding rates, I just see way too many mothers opt out for non-medical reasons. And I take that personally because I know that unless there is a true medical reason (which is rare – rare because if women truly couldn’t breastfeed as often as they say they can’t, our species would have died off a long time ago), or there is a special situation like adoption, where there is a will there is a way...

Having had twin preemies who could not muster the suck-swallow-breathe trifecta on the breast as well as they could on the bottle, I would have been the perfect candidate for rejecting breastfeeding. Two babies. Seven weeks early. 15 days in NICU. Overwhelming exhaustion. Working full-time. Never sleeping for more than 3 hours at a time for 6 months. I certainly had enough excuses to choose from. But there is enough science to show that (for both short-term and long-term) it is better to provide an infant mother’s milk over formula when possible, and since I didn’t have what I thought was a good enough reason to deny my children those benefits, I made the “choice” to make sure they had breast milk for a year one way or another. With the whole "breast" thing not working out, I opted to pump. For a year. Round the clock. 8 times a day. Yes, I was committed. Not a single drop of formula until they were 10 months old (due to supply issues), and even then I was still giving them what breastmilk I could still produce. I guess that’s also why I take it personally when I hear mothers say “it’s too hard” or "my sleep/sanity/fill-in-the-bank is more important" or “it’s interfering with bonding.” No one said it was easy. Come talk to me about "easy" or "bonding issues" with pumping. I guess, when it comes down to it, I did all that because I don’t see breastfeeding as a “choice.” I see it as a responsibility. But not everyone sees it that way.

One day's worth of pumped breast milk. Probably not my "heyday" either.

But what I’m really upset about is, after re-reading all the comments on my FB page, and then seeing it continue in these other places, is that so much of nothing really happened, but it was made out to be some big deal. No one ever directed any of the comments as a personal attack on anyone (saying that “you’re doing it wrong”). My friend's bad experiences with people insulting her choice, or her friend’s choices, happened before my post and were not carried out by commenters on my status-update. So what if we think that everyone should breastfeed? That doesn’t mean anyone HAS to. It doesn’t mean that we are telling you what is best for you and your kid. It doesn’t mean anyone is judging you. Is it an attack on single-parent fathers too, because they can’t breast feed? If I posted that soda is bad to give to kids, and someone gives soda to their kids, am I attacking them? Why is it not possible to state facts that breastfeeding is better and it not be seen as attack on those who don’t breastfeed? So often I hear the same complaint, that people are insulted when someone tells them they should breastfeed, because it is their choice to not do so. Maybe some people don’t see it as a choice and are just interested in discussing the academic side of the issue. Is that an attack? Maybe, as passions rise, or the person is blatently rude about it, it sometimes it ends up being an attack. I get that. But that is not what happened here.

This is a complex issue, and everyone in the discussion is coming from a different angle, but we are all educated parents who have strong feelings on the matter. All of our children are lucky that we all think so hard about these important things, but seeing how it played out has left a bad taste in my mouth. Everyone here is important to me (for obviously different reasons) so I hope that my long rant here is taken with a teaspoon of love. Maybe this helps clear the air, maybe it clouds it more, but I am at the point where I need to get it all out in the open – hopefully for better and not worse.

With love to you all,
Laura

Kids. They think they are people too.

Sometimes, when I'm not frustrated by, or yelling at, the kids, I take a moment to just look at who they are. At this age, they seem to be little hobbit-sized creatures who think they are actually "people." I just find this so interesting. And I know they think they are people because they talk like people, ask questions like people, even poop like people. Indeed, they show all the typical "people" signs.

Interesting. Very interesting.

Having known them since they were little wiggly lumps, using their non-people-like communication skills to make requests for food or attention, I know full well that these creatures are actually "people-impostors." Oh, but they try. And since they haven't perfected their peopleness, a sharp observer may notice the signs: A comment about the roads being "slippy" or the idea that dogs break into houses gives indication that they have not yet mastered peopleness.

But they are clever little beings, quickly covering their not-quite-people-yet blunders with comments like "It's time we do laundry again" or "I'd like to wash the dishes." If they suspect others do not buy their people-presentation they will even follow through on such things, as seen here:


Yes, they may have many fooled. But even when I can see past it all, they slyly continue the charade with a no-holds-barred people-impersonation:


Tricksy little things. Their effort must be admired, and the fact that they are playing games on PBSkids.org/games is a minor flaw in an otherwise well-executed attempt, as many "people" (even some close family members) routinely play games on the computer. But even the cleverest must let their guard down once in a while. I have proof even.

Exhibit A: The girl is found eating snow. Not uncommon, but not what we typically think of "people" doing. Dogs maybe. Babies, sure. But not "people." (Admittedly, this will depend on your definition of "people." But work with me folks - I'm trying to work in to this post these cute pictures...)

Exhibit B: The boy and girl are discovered making a "snow hill." Since this is most commonly executed by those under the legal age (and again because I'm trying to post these pictures), and since most people make snowmen instead of snow hills, you'll just have to agree that this is not true "people" behavior.

Anyhow, it seems that the two people-impostors we have in our family are doing quite a good job of fooling everyone. I even almost fell for it when Kestian asked "What's a vegetarian?" and could only understand what it meant by telling him "They are like herbivores." Yes, they are constantly perfecting their peopleness. Soon, even I will be fooled into believing it.

Spaghetti al pomodoro

I’m lucky for not being raised fully within the Italian culture, really I am. You see, while it is great to have things passed down and all, I have never been shackled by self-styled tradition for things concerning cooking and culinary aesthetics. I’ve been a free man to explore the vagaries of different traditions and recipes through various media until I came upon something that, when I cook it, is truly mine.

That isn’t to say that I haven’t been influenced by tradition or family, but certain aspects of my life (and cooking) have been bereft of them and others I have scrapped for better or more comfortable ways. Spaghetti sauce is one such example.

My sister allegedly has my grandmother’s recipe for spaghetti sauce, but that side of the family dropped me from their minds a long time ago, so I couldn’t even tell you what it tastes like let alone how to make it. No big loss. I’m sure she’ll give it to me someday, but I ain’t sweating it because I have my own spaghetti sauce which I like probably lots better than that anyway.

The seeds of this post were from a discussion I was having with my oldest (and yet shortest) brother about spaghetti sauce (and, no, I am not some wannabe guido of Sicilian ancestry, so I will never call it gravy), and I was horrified to learn that his tastes in sauce are in stark contrast to mine. Not that there is anything wrong with his tastes, but if we made spaghetti sauce for each other, neither would be really happy with their present. And so, inspired by Joslyne’s recipe thread, I will write about tastes in cooking a good red sauce.

First, I like a chunky sauce (just like my women, ha!) that is thick in consistency and sticks to the noodles; no thin sauce in either sense of the word. Though meat is not necessary in the sauce, ground pork seems to work just as well (probably better) than beef, but the addition of meat into my sauce is based on my whim of the day I make it, so it doesn’t make or break anything if it is there.

For vegetables, the most important ones are garlic (sliced cloves since I like to spread the flavor around a lot), onions (I usually get white onions for everything, but it can vary depending on mood or prices), but the most important vegetable is green peppers. I’ll sometimes mix it up and use green and red or yellow, but you need the green peppers or it just won’t be right. Some people dislike the somewhat strong taste of them in sauce, but they are wrong.

Other vegetable stuff I like are black olives (the less flavorful canned ones don’t compete for flavor as much, and I like that) and mushrooms. Some people like carrots, but that is freaking disgusting and will never happen in my house.

I used to do stupid things like add butter or chili powder, but those are dumb things to do. For oil, obviously, only use extra-virgin olive oil. Some people like to sauté the garlic and possibly the onions beforehand, but I like uncooked garlic, onions, and peppers in my sauce.

Now we get into the topic of spices. No topic has ripped a family asunder quite like that of ‘what spices do you use in your spaghetti sauce?’ And I’ll start off with a doozy and state that I usually don’t like to put basil in my sauce (WHAT?!?!?). It is true. Listen, I love basil (tricolore with fresh basil is a staple dinner in our house), and there are many times where adding basil to something is perfect and wonderful, but I do not think it is a default spice in all sauces. Most of the time it is fine if it is added, but I’m fine with my simple spice blend of oregano and thyme. You see, for me oregano and thyme pretty much define the taste that a red sauce should have, and I don’t think basil really does anything good for a sauce once those two are there.

In reality, I mainly stick to three spices for the sauce: oregano, thyme, and fennel seed. Fennel is an odd choice for me because I absolutely hate licorice flavor, but when added to sauce, the flavor melds with the other ones to make something nice that (despite it having a somewhat anise-like flavor) does not taste like licorice or crap. Note, however, that I never put the seed right into the sauce (if you chomp on one of those seeds, I assure you it WILL taste like licorice and crap), so I dump a bunch in a spice bag that I can remove when I serve dinner.

Some people like to spice up their sauce with some red (cayenne, spicy) pepper, but that just doesn’t belong. Sure, there are good spicy sauces out there (and I like spicy stuff), but the default sauce shouldn’t have red pepper in it. I also don’t add black pepper, parsley, onion salt, cumin, bay leaf (sorry Mom, bay leaf doesn’t belong), and never ever sugar. Some people like a sweet sauce, but I certainly do not. I also don’t add wine, but I can see where some red wine might work.

Canned tomatoes (roma, of course!) seem to do the trick, especially since it is a pain to start with fresh tomatoes (well, a pain for someone without lots of time to cook, like me). Again, I like it chunky, so I use a ricer to chunk them up, but I’m fine with the coarse nature of it. Again, I like a think consistency, so I’ll often put tomato paste in to thicken it up after awhile.

So, you might ask, where is the recipe? I, uhhh, don’t really have a recipe. I tend to play it by ear, so every time it is a bit different. I also rarely ever get to make it anymore (thanks kids!).

In general, when I cook I tend to go for a smaller number of spices and whole and fresh ingredients. Some cooks or restaurants will brag about ‘we use 18 different spices’, but that is bullshit cooking. You shouldn’t need that many spices to make something delicious, and most of the time people do that just so they can brag on how many spices they use.

So anyway, here are the rules I tend to follow when I cook:
-Only a few types of spices, max
-Use whole, fresh ingredients
-Don’t overcook
-Experiment and don’t be afraid to fail

That last one (as Laura can attest) is one I follow a little too much.

Cuteness everywhere!!!

To add some levity to the blog, here are some cute videos of the kids!

Kestian sings "Bob the Builder"


Adelaide sings "Bob the Builder"


Adelaide sings "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"

My Midwife Mission

24 1/2 weeks (roughly 5+ months)

We rejoin our VBAC-obsessed saga to find our heroine at an appointment with her OB. And this time, he was actually there. So during the ultrasound, where they checked my cervix and other things, I grilled the doc. (And, by the way, he declared that I have "one beautiful looking cervix," so yeah I've got that going for me...but it also means no signs of bedrest in my near future!!!!!!!)

We talked VBAC stuff, and rather than write out the minutia of details, here are the quick "pros and cons" to his approach:

Pros:

• He's seen uterine ruptures, but not many (maybe 10-25 out of the thousands of births he's done), and he is a high-risk OB so he is going to encounter them more, and not all of them were in VBACs
• He has no problem with a doula
• He would treat many aspects of the delivery as he would any non-previous-c-section delivery (although that still may mean he has approaches that I don't agree with)
• He doesn't "usually" induce VBACs
• He WILL be the doctor to do my delivery
  

Cons:

• I would probably have to have an epidural
• I would have to have continuous monitoring during labor (i.e. I would not be able to move around)
• If the baby is breach, he won't try to turn it, and it will be a c-section
  

I'm not completely satisfied with everything I heard, and since we won't really know what we are dealing with until we are dealing with it, I still am exploring my options. I do realize that I may have to compromise on a few things, but of course that won't stop me from questioning everything and trying to get it the way I want.

So anyway, my next appointment was with "Midwife #1". There were omens right from the start:
1) The lobby had a big-screen TV with FOX News blaring, with a sign that said "Please do do turn off the TV or change the channel." Seriously? I mean FOX News is one thing, but the fact that they posted a sign telling people that it must be left on? I'm guessing some people in the past have not wanted to watch it, but the staff has decided that their patient's preferences are not to be considered. Keeping with the rules outlined on the sign, I was about to put it on mute but we were called back before I could.
2) When I went back with the nurse, the first thing she asked me was "Now have you confirmed with more than a home pregnancy test that you are really pregnant?" When I told her I was five months pregnant and have had about 5 ultrasounds, so I was pretty sure, she didn't even blink. Then she asked me for a urine sample, even though I explained that I was there just to interview the midwife. She looked very put-off that I wouldn't fill the cup.
3) There were pictures in the hallway of these trying-to-be-artsy black-and-white photographs of pregnant women and their families, but one looked like the husband had the preggie-belly, and another looked like the woman's hand was actually the man's hand. Creepy.

When we did talk to the midwife, I kept wondering if she was really a midwife. She kept blathering on about this and that, inferring in just about every anecdote that the physicians in the practice found VBACs inconvenient (and would rather do c-sections), how I would have to see the doctors in the practice (but I could see her if I wanted to), how she's (only) done 5 VBACS last year, blah blah blah. And talking to her was like talking to someone who just drank 5 Red Bulls. I'd ask a question, and she'd sorta answer it and then in her muddled, speed-talking jabber, try to throw in some cutesy story about how the doctor was annoyed that she got to the hospital and delivered someone's baby before the he got there and so he wouldn't let her leave until he left. You know, relevant stuff. She did seem to know a good amount about the VBAC issues, but Damon and I were both put off by just about everything else she said. I could not imagine this person being my midwife. And, as Damon pointed out, we would not be in a better situation with her than we are already in with my current OB. At least that was an easy choice.

Next week, though, I have another appt with a midwife that comes highly recommended for VBACs. I am really hopeful that she is what we are looking for. If not, it may be that I just stay with my OB and hope for the best.

Pinching out a loaf

For Christmas this year, I finally got a bread machine. We've wanted one for a while, but cost/counter space has prohibited its acquisition. But some cold cash in a Christmas card, a new big kitchen, and a breadmaker on sale with no tax and free shipping, and suddenly all the stars were in alignment.

So as soon as we got the machine, we started right in. First loaf: Oatmeal-Date Bread. Can I just say that oatmeal-date bread is AWESOME! This was the yummiest bread I have had in a long time. Even the kids liked it, until they saw a date and then decided it was "yucky." Oh well, more for me and Damon. And let me just say that making bread with this machine was sooooo easy. Just put in the ingredients and walk away. There's nothing to see here folks! It mixes it, kneads it, and bakes it. And in an hour: warm fresh bread!

Hmmmm. What bread shall I make next?