Good times

The holidays have been busy for us, but in a good way. So much to do, but plenty of relaxing mixed in...

Just before Christmas, the kids' friend who used to go to their daycare was in town for a day and we met up with them for lunch. Their friend is adorable and her parents are so nice. And just for everyone's reference, this is the same friend that has a baby brother and we credit for Adelaide's "changing her mind" for liking the idea of getting a baby brother.


Christmas was a fun and busy day of not doing much. I didn't get a whole lot of pictures... Here are some that I did get...


Then my brother and sister-in-law came to visit for a few days. We made cookies...


My brother tried to fix my thermostat, but even the problem stumped the rocket scientist...
Ken read stories to Kestian...
Patty entertained Adelaide (who didn't want her picture taken)...
And we played some games...
It's been a good break - and it's not over yet. I just got a bread machine and there's some yummy bread to be made, we hope to go to the movies, and take the kids to the Explorium. I could get used to this.

Happy Holidays

Since I've been talking so much about pregnancy this and VBAC that, I thought for a nice break I would post (as promised) our holiday letter this year. If you haven't received one in the mail - either we don't have your address, you just haven't gotten it yet, or you have not been good this year. You know which one you are!

If you would like your own personalized, one-of-a-kind, generic, original, just-like-everyone-else letter, please send us $3.95 in a self-addressed envelope along with a 500 word essay as to why you should deserve a letter this year, and we will notify you within 30 days as to whether you qualify....

More birth blathering...consider yourself warned!

Ok. So I know I haven't talked about this whole VBAC thing very much (sarcasm, people) but as we get closer and closer to the big day (4 more months!) and I read more and more about it, I just feel the need to share. Well, not really share, more like vent. After all, this is a multi-purpose blog. I share stories about the kids, have heated debates with myself about various issues, and often just blather on about what-not. Hopefully some of it is entertaining/educational/useful/familiar/humorous etc to someone else.

And I guess it's the shock and awe of finding out that you can't just walk into a doctor's office and declare "I don't want another c-section" and everyone happily avails themselves to your VBAC whim.

No it's not like that at all. So I guess I keep writing about it because as I learn more and more about VBACs and the controversy surrounding them, as I read about other women going through the same thing, and perhaps because I feel that at least on occasion I should put my bachelor's of community health education degree to use and try to educate at least one other person on the situation, that I keep on keepin' on.

So yes, in today's edition of the blog, we again focus ourselves on VBACs. Quick quiz - what does VBAC stand for?

• Very Big And Catlike
• Voodoo Battle Against Cows
• Victory Begins At Chernobyl

Well if you guessed any of the above, we need to talk. But seriously, as I was looking for a reader-friendly description of VBAC, I found this one on wikipedia. I think it states the controversy quite well (surprisingly) and if you at least read this you can get an idea about what the "problem" is. In fact, I find it quite interesting that it cites some of the resources I have been reviewing as I try to learn more about all of this (ICAN, VBACfacts.com, VBAC.com).

So basically it seems to boil down to this: Doctors/hospitals are afraid that for a woman who has had a previous c-section, her uterus will rupture during labor, killing the mother and baby. To avoid this disastrous consequence: they push for another c-section.

Yes, I think that about sums it up. And, yes that sounds quite scary, and so therefore the solution seems quite reasonable. But let take a minute and look at a few things. Join me, will you?

Ok. First, let's take this quote:
“the chance that a VBAC candidate will require emergency surgery is, for all practical purposes, no higher than that of any other pregnant woman” and “the risk of VBAC is not substantially greater than the risk of any type of childbirth."
- Bruce Flamm, MD, author of Birth After Cesarean: The Medical Facts

Good. We're getting somewhere already. Women who want VBACs aren't at any more risk for needing surgery. You have to ask, then, why do doctors keep pushing this?

But what about this whole uterine rupture thing that keeps getting waived around, scaring women? Let's look at that rate, and also compare it to other risks (which I think really puts it into perspective). I've taken the following from http://www.pregnancybirthandbabies.com/vbac.htm

The concept of uterine rupture is scary. It certainly is a risk to be considered when thinking about a VBAC. However it is important to note that nothing is with out risk.

Lets say the risk of uterine rupture is 0.19-0.8% with a low transverse incision.

• The risk of miscarriage after amniocentesis is 0.5 to 1% (a procedure offered routinely to many women)
• The risk of a cesarean delivery following induction is 5.9 to 11.9%
• The risk of hysterectomy after an elective cesarean is 0.2%
• The risk of long term affects from an epidural are:
  • Backache 19%
  • Frequent headaches 4.6%
  • Migraines 1.9%
• The risk of fever with an epidural is 15%
• The risk of developing gestational diabetes is 7%
• The risk of a hypertensive disorder (high blood pressure and related issues) in pregnancy is 5-10%
• The risk for preterm birth is 12%

The point of this is not to be doom and gloom. The point is that uterine rupture needs to be put into perspective, that the risk is not an outlandishly high number, when in fact, the risk is very low when proper screening and proper precautions are taken. "

Ok. Better now? Now see? There are so many other things that we can worry about. Let's put our energy elsewhere.

I could go on and on about all the complications one faces from a c-section both immediate and long-term (that doctors really just don't discuss), about how your risk for future successful pregnancies and vaginal deliveries goes down with every c-section you have, about how the risks of infection and infertility go up with every c-section, but I have to save something for another post. And don't get me wrong, if a medical emergency calls for a c-section to save my life or my baby's life, then by all means cut away. But, rather, what I seem to face is a c-section "on the table" and I have to justify why not to automatically go that route, when in reality a natural birth should be the assumption with a c-section only put on the table as a medical crisis requires it. I mean, wouldn't you agree?

And so I recently had another appt with my OB, and I had all my questions ready to ask him, only to find him called away to the hospital (again). I'll tell you, it gets old when you keep going to see your doctor and he's never there to talk to. Maybe that's just me though.

Meanwhile...(dramatic music please)... two of my friends - friends who don't know each other (at least I think they don't know each other...Karen, do you know Deborah? Deborah, do you know Karen?) recommended to me a midwife that works with women wanting VBACs. So I have gone ahead and made an appointment with her. Again, if you need a refresher on what a midwife does, please check here. I'm actually very excited about meeting with this midwife and asking her the same questions I have for my OB. When everyone answers them, and I compare what I find, I think the outcome will be obvious.

For those of you wanting further reading on this issue, you can refer to the above websites, watch "The Business of Being Born" and just do some Google searches. It is way more fascinating than you can imagine. And from what I have read, I know in addition to not wanting another c-section, I don't want to be induced, to have an epidural, or basically any type of intervention short of a true medical emergency.

But that's the trick, isn't it? Knowing just when something is a true medical emergency verses the doctors/hospitals covering their asses. Thankfully, I have a wonderfully educated and logical thinking husband who doesn't take "shit" from anyone and a doula (yet to be hired) with tons of experience in this. It's as prepared as I can be.

Who knows what to expect, when you didn't plan on expecting?

When you find yourself pregnant, and you weren't necessarily planning on it, you go through a lot of emotions. That's not to say that planned pregnancies don't carry their own emotions, but having had one planned pregnancy and one unplanned pregnancy I continue to marvel at the different emotions I have been going through - ones that never came up before. (I can only guess that this is true for Damon as well.)

In fact, for me anyway, it is almost like the 7 stages of grief, except instead of someone dying, we'll be getting a snugly warm baby...

1. Shock/Denial: There's no way I'm pregnant!
2. Pain/Guilt: What have we done?
3. Anger/Bargaining: I swear I'm going to get my tubes tied.
4. Depression/Reflection/Loneliness: I'm supposed to be happy about this, but I am sad that things will change yet again, and no one seems to understand.
5. Upward Turn: You know, this is actually pretty neat. Soon we'll have another child to love and be loved by.
6. Reconstruction/Working Through: I guess if we plan out the birth carefully, buy that damn minivan, and get ourselves organized, this could all work out pretty well.
7. Acceptance/Hope: This baby is going to be so wonderful, and one day we will wonder how we could have lived without him.

Yeah, I think I go through all these steps/emotions several times a day. It has been crazy. I go from "Am I ready for this, again?" to "How nice will it be to spend maternity leave with just one child?" to "Will the pregnancy/birth go well?" to "Will it be so wonderful to hold a newborn again?" and so on... I hope that the preggie hormones are mostly to blame for my insecurity and doubt.

But one thing is for sure: The kids absolutely adore the idea of adding a baby to the family. I'm still not exactly sure what they think they are getting into as a result of this, but they seem game. The baby will probably take up a lot of my attention, play with their toys, and just make life for everyone a bit crazier, but for now they only see the benefits of this new addition (that is once Adelaide got over the idea that it will be a boy*).

And it is the kids' unquestioned positive attitude towards the new baby that carries Damon and I through our uncertain moments. I know that they can't understand all the ramifications that this child brings, but they seem quite happy with it and for that we are grateful.

In fact, they are so pleased with the idea of having another baby that they seem to think there will be continuous additions to the family. The other night when they kids were playing, Kestian started talking about "the next baby." We both said, "Just how many kids do you think there will be in this family?" and without any hesitation Adelaide said "Five" and went on to point out (again) that we definitely needed a minivan.

Five?! Holy crap. But then again, who knows. Maybe a big family would be fun. It's nothing I ever dreamed of having, but maybe it's in the cards.**

Anyway, just for fun, here are some of my favorite pics from when Kestian and Adelaide were just so itty-bitty. I can't wait to see what "Damon Jr.***" will look like...

Kestian - just a few days old. (I think there is more blanket than baby.)

Adelaide's foot - no bigger than Damon's thumb.

Kestian - 3 months old (his eyes haven't turned brown yet!)

Adelaide - 4 months old

---

*Did I ever tell you how Adelaide "came around" on this? She was still sulking at the idea of the baby being a boy when I reminded her that her good friend from school just had a baby brother and that she doesn't think it's bad at all. The next day Adelaide said, "I've changed my mind. I want a baby brother!" and the rest is history.

**It's definitely not in the cards.

***Note: This baby will not be named "Damon Jr."

PS - If you haven't filled out our "Baby Boy Orsetti Pool" please do so know. Only 3 1/2 months left to cast your votes!

What to do, what to do...

I have this dilemma.

No, it's not what college to send my kids to. It's not whether I should wash the dishes tonight. It's not even about whether I should get up to go pee again, or wait 10 more minutes.

No. This is serious.

See the dilemma is: Should I keep the kids home during the week between Christmas and New Years (the only time of year that their school stays open but our work is closed), or send their little butts off to school?

Normally this would not be a dilemma. In the past there would be no question: send them off to school - and be FREEEEE! Free like the wind!!! Whoo hoo!!!

Now if you are thinking, "Why would you send your kids off when you are home?" I will just say, "Hahahahahahaha! Have you met our kids? Seriously? Hahahahaha...." and then I would pull myself off the floor and go change my underwear because I have peed myself from laughing so hard.

Seriously. Shall we begin again? Should we - or should we not - send the kids to school? Now let's think about this rationally. Except for the babysitter that we have hired a total of two times since the kids were born, and the rare "Parents Night Out" offered by the daycare, we have never (I repeat never) had a day/evening/five minutes at home with no kids unless we take a vacation day off from work (and that hasn't happened in years). There is no family to stop by and take the kids for the afternoon. There are no "I'll watch your kids one day if you watch mine another" offers from friends (although I would be sooooo up for that!!!). There is nothing. If we are to ever have time for ourselves, ever, it has to be during the 4 days at Christmas time that the University closes but the daycare doesn't.

And in years past, this choice was very sensible. We needed a break, time to get some projects done, just some peace and quiet. There was no way we weren't going to send them off when we could come home, watch "Who's my baby's father?" on Jerry Springer, take as long a nap as we want, and not be called away from the couch to wipe a butt or provide food.

But now, things are a little different. Now that the kids are older (i.e. easier), we are not quite as desperate for these childless breaks. Sleep deprivation has gone away. Constant clinging has subsided. Heck, we can even be in another room while they are off scheming.

And, perhaps because of the upcoming baby, I have been wanting to spend more time with the kids while I am not distracted. Plus, I still feel guilty almost every morning when we do drop them off at school and Kestian tries to be brave, but sticks out his bottom lip anyway because he's about to cry, or when Adelaide asks if we can pick them up after lunch.

And here's the kicker: If we keep them out a whole week, we only have to pay half tuition. That's real money baby! We're talking well over $100! We could use that money towards the iPhones we want to buy. (Note: This discount only applies if we keep them out the whole week - no halfsies!)

So, there you have it: Send the kids off and have some much needed and rarely available time to ourselves. Or keep the kids home and be absolved of guilt and keep 130 bucks.

The jury is still out. I have some projects I'd like to get done (painting, scanning photographs, etc) and some serious naps to take, but I am leaning towards keeping them home because I know how much they love being home with us and my brother and sister-in-law will be visiting for part of that time.

What would you do?

Boy oh boy...

I just had my "20 Weeks" appointment with my Doc and everything is looking good. We are getting close to the point where in my last pregnancy I started to have problems, but everything right now looks ok (i.e. cervix is holding up). However because we are close to that problem-time the Doc wants to now see me in 2 weeks, and probably the week after that, so we can see if there are any changes going on. I remain confident that all will be fine (based on nothing more than hope).

We did have a brief talk about VBACs and, encouragingly, he said he was very supportive of them. But, there was a "but." He said "but conditions do need to be 'perfect' for that to happen." I asked him what his conditions were and he indicated "baby size, baby position, and the state of my cervix." Hearing "baby size" and "baby position" as two of his three conditions does concern me, as I have issues with those criteria, but for now I will continue on my VBAC quest. Damon is on my side, and I know he will be my strongest advocate, and we are likely to hire a doula to help as well. We still have a long time till the birth, so at this point I will watch how things unfold, and make any decisions as they come up.

Oh, and it's definitely a boy!

Baby on his head, with legs straight up. How can that be comfortable?

A weekend in review

If our life was like the movies...

1. "Snow in the Garden"
The plot line to this cinema "short" is simple and clear: Why shovel when it's just going to melt? As witness to minimal accumulation and clear roads, the viewer gets a brief glimpse of what can only be the snowfall only drivers can love. This is certain to become a classic.
(4 stars)
2. "Shot in the Leg"
This dramatic expose, staring two soon-to-be-fully-immunized children, shows the real life horrors these minors must go through as a result of the torturous whims of their parents. You'll be grabbing a Kleenex as you follow these two brave stars through the journey and the aftermath of what can only be described as "quick and painful."
(4.5 stars)


3. "A Pot of Chili, A Bag of Presents"
This holiday classic stars the familiar antics of the well-know traditional holiday icon we've come to know and love, surrounded by twins, triplets, and the rarely observed "singleton." This movie was filled with scenes of adults consuming chili, children scarfing cookies, and the return of St. Nick. Perhaps the most famous line from this movie was "Why does Santa keep laughing?" while you can certainly overhear whispers of "We don't have to tell the other kids that Santa isn't real..."
(4 stars)


4. "5 and 10, Do it Again"
This brilliant docudrama captures all the essence of childhood innocence wrapped around common business sense. As we journey through the myriad of scenes, we follow a young entrepreneur as she persues her dreams of serving the most Little People on the planet, all eager for a cup of Joe or a Rice Krispie treat.
(5 stars)


5. "Deck the Tree, Trim the Halls"
Finally, our last film bears witness to the ancient holiday tradition known as "tree trimming." Small children are taught the ways of this historic pastime as they are encouraged to dance to traditional folk music while hanging various ornamental items on the branches of a coniferous evergreen. There is no lack of drama or comedy as we watch the evening play out in this silly cinema feature.
(5 stars)

One picture

I took this picture during the twins club party we went to. Sure I took others, but I think this one is just really nice.

20(ish) weeks

Hooray! Half-way done!


Adelaide is so proud of her picture. Not sure what's up with the Superman pillow, but it seems to be Kestian's love-of-the-day.

On to new obsessions

I've never been into computer games. I've been known to catch a quick game of Solitaire, and even this summer I was drawn in to Bejeweled, but not much more than that. Damon, on the other hand, has a love-hate relationship with computer games. I'm not sure how he would describe it, but my guess is that he hates that he loves playing them. And I'm not sure, really, where my kids stand on the matter. We haven't gotten them any sort of Leapster games or whatever (and don't plan on it) but when given the opportunity at school or home to play on the computer they love it (but mostly that involves an Italian lesson or spelling out their names in Word).

Now, Damon is dead set against ever getting an X-Box or a Playstation, probably because he knows first-hand how they can just suck you in. And I'm not about to buy some expensive gaming console because I also know that kids too often just spend too much time with those things. But while Damon would prefer that the kids never see a moment of computer/console games, I could be convinced that some game time is OK. Indeed, when my brother, who still has our family's old Atari system that we bought around 1980 (it still works), asked if we wanted it - I said yes, Damon said no. In the end, whether the kids get no game time, or just some game time, I'm not too concerned. Either option to me is satisfactory.

But what I find interesting is the influence these games have on the kids even when they aren't actively playing them (although, really should I be so surprised?). Back when we were playing Bejeweled, the kids would stand by and watch, always excited to see the gems "pop" at the end, make suggestions on where to move next, and just be overall fascinated with it. But that was about the extent of it. The kids weren't able so much to imitate what they saw in their own play. They'd watch for a few minutes and then go do something else. But now we are so over Bejeweled and in to Farmville.

It's an online game where you build a farm, plant crops, tend to livestock, and try to get as many neighbors as you can so you can keep expanding (Are you my neighbor yet? I give gifts daily!). The kids have seen us play, and we've even let them "plow" the fields and "plant" the crops. It's not a kid's game per se, but one they easily understand and since speed is not a concern, they can go at their own turtle-slow pace.

So the other night, while I was on Farmville, I noticed this:


The kids had built little areas for their animals, not too much unlike what I have in my actual farm:


I'm not sure if I should be concerned or proud. My concern might be over the influence the game is having on them, but mostly I am proud. They have seen a game they like, and instead of begging to play it on the computer, they were inventive enough to take their own toys and create their own version of it. If that's the kind of impact computer games has on our kids, then I am quite happy.

Of course that also means we can't let them see World of Warcraft.

Thanksgiving afterthoughts

Man Oh Man! It's been almost a week since I have posted. I'm sure my readers have missed me. Ahem! I'm sure my readers have missed me!...

We missed you, Laura!

Thank you! I knew you were still out there.

We had a very busy yet non-eventful holiday weekend. It started with me painting the downstairs bathroom. Yeah, what most people do on Thanksgiving, I know! But it's been a project that has been eating at me for months and I finally have some energy back. So before my Doc pulls out the bedrest card or I get sick or I lose my energy again or I'm just to huge to move, that bathroom was mine!!!! I'll leave out the excruciating details of the 4-day painting extravaganza, and leave you with 2 thoughts:

1) Before you have painted every room in your entire house, and spent hours "cutting in" by hand around all the trim, consider buying this:


This $2.50 "paint edger" allowed me to edge the whole bathroom in about 10 minutes. Of course, I did not discover it until I was on the second coat of one of the last rooms in the house...Oh if I only had this earlier! But no regrets. I have honed my edging skill so that I can do it free-hand (that's NO TAPE) and ne'er make a mistake.

2) Removing wall-paper glue sucks! To all my friends and family who own houses, do yourself and the next owner a favor and do not hang wallpaper. I repeat: do not hang wallpaper. 'Nuff said.

To all you curious folk who haven't already seen the before/after shots, enjoy:


The rest of the weekend was spent catching glimpses of the parades, watching the dog show, eating yummy turkey, going to the park, taking naps, dealing with the emotional swings of young children (What?! I mean, "dealing with my most well-behaved children who never whine or run to the other room crying because I didn't put their socks on first..."), and not thinking for a minute about holiday shopping or any of that craziness.

And did I take a singe picture of the kids this weekend? I guess we can't do everything...

We want a picture! We want a picture!

Oh! Are you still here? Ok, ok...here's one from last weekend.

Since we're at it, see if you can answer the following questions?

1) How many "bricks" can you see?

2) Can you find the underwear on the floor?

3) If you were to ask the kids to clean up would they:
a - start playing with each toy they touch, never getting anything put away
b - leave the room and get more toys
c - complain that they didn't play with it so they shouldn't have to clean it up
d - agree to it, but actually just run off and hide


Answers:
1) 13. A light day in the world of brick-messiness

2) Bottom left. I have no idea why it's on the floor - or even in this room in general.

3) If you guessed "All of the Above", you would be right, and even more right if you guessed that they eventually "cleaned up" only to make an even bigger mess when they were done. Ha! I didn't give you that answer. Trick question!

Ok...that's all I got today.

Stay tuned for our holiday letter...it's a gem this year! For the first time evar I will be posting it online (as well as mailing it out to those select few who have chosen to give us their addresses despite the earlier "holiday letter incident" which we no longer speak of. I can joke about it now, right?).