GOAAAAALLLLLL!

That's right folks, it's SOCCER SEASON. Lord help me! What have I gotten us into?

We are approaching the start of the fall season, and already we have been to practice. And so far, I think the kids actually like it.

Now Damon and I often like to try and predict how each of the kids will react in certain situations. I'm not sure what either of us thought about "soccer" but I was guessing that Adelaide would be more into it than Kestian. And it seemed that way, indeed, when we told the kids on Saturday morning that they had practice that morning, and Adelaide was very excited while Kestian just said, "I don't want to go to soccer..."

But we shuffled our way over there and met the coach (who also has twins!) and some of the other kids on the team. Much to my surprise, it was Kestian who jumped right into the action, while Adelaide hung back for the first half of practice, glued to either my or Damon's leg.


But eventually she warmed up to the idea and got right into the action. Although the playground at the park was continually drawing their attention away, by the end of practice they were getting the idea for the game.


Next practice: Thursday.

An exercise in naming honesty (random names again)

(Wow, this is post number 666. Not only does that mean we’ve posted a hell of a lot of times over the years, but it is just cool. Unfortunately we can’t stop here and stay forever in the realm of ‘evil,’ so we’ll just have to act that way from here on out to remind you of this historic time when we, in fact, were The Beast.)

Laura wrote a long piece on name message boards, and I will undercut absolutely everything she wrote by rolling up a bunch of random names (from last year’s top 1000, see previous posts) and then I will ask people’s HONEST opinion of them. You don’t have to go into ridiculous explanations or anything, just tell me if you: Like it a lot, like it a little, don’t have a strong opinion, dislike it a little, or dislike it a lot. I’ll even tell you my opinions about it (watch me roll “Damon” or something like that and we’ll see how much self-loathing I truly have).

And…. I KNOW that lots of people visit this blog, especially from Facebook land because I see it where people visit from. Don’t be shy, sign in (use your gmail account to do so) and leave a message here on the blog so we can tally what the vote is on the random names. Hell, I’ll do it twice for each sex.

But before I roll up names, I want you guys know that the 10-sided die I am using for the hundred’s place is one that I have had for 22 years. Iesu cristo, that die could have a beer with me at a bar (though if I DID bring dice to a bar I would have my ass kicked, and with cause). Hell, I rolled for psionics with that exact die (‘0’ twice) while in 7th grade social studies. And while the only witness (besides me) to that event is now unfortunately dead, the die lives on!

Let’s roll up some names (only first ones for today)!

WDYT of this sibset? (ugh, shoot me now for using that phrase):

Boy: 48
Girl: 461

Second options:

Boy: 801
Girl: 117

Ok, moment of truth here for our little experiment: everyone tell me what you REALLY think of the names:

Boy:

• Jordan Orsetti
• River Orsetti

Girl:

• Annabel Orsetti
• Jayla Orsetti

Damn, not as wacky as I’d hoped, but I love the two boy names in combination (they fit all too well!). I swear I didn’t plan that.

Ok, give thoughts and all, because if you don’t I’ll be forced to do this again and again and again until I get lots of participation. I do love to roll dice!

More BIG news!

I might as well go ahead and tell everyone, because everyone is going to figure it out in the next couple of days. I'm sure Damon won't be pleased with me making such a big announcement so early, but here goes anyway:

Next weekend is Decker-Orlando-Palooza!!!!!

Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!

Yes, my old friend that I knew back in high school is coming to visit (and her family too!) for Labor Day weekend. I'm so excited about it because I probably haven't seen "Zozo's Mom" for 15+ years. Well, actually it's probably more than that. I graduated from high school in 1991 and I don't really know how much I saw her after that. That's 18 years! (God! Am I really that old?!)

But thanks to the awesome invention we know as Facebook, I discovered that a) she was still alive, b) she actually remembered me, and c) she was willing to "friend" me! Bonus, bonus, bonus! Finding out that she lived "relatively" nearby was icing on the cake. (By the way, have you tried angel food cake with icing? Not just "frosting" but that whipped-cream kind of frosting Kroger puts on it! I love, love, LOVE it!)

So I've been busy trying to get the house in order and deal with the sale, but it will all come together and be great.

But what to do for D-O-P weekend? I'm thinking the Explorium, the KY Horse Park, grilling burgers, playing Settlers of Catan (it should arrive in time), and who knows what else.

Fun! Fun! Fun!

Now, I was going to put a picture up here of the two of us from way back when, but sadly, I can only find one of her with curlers getting her hair permed. Nothing of the two of us. So I'll post this instead...

Why I hate baby-name message boards

(since I can't be a Guest Writer on Nametard)


Having read the latest rants on Nametard, I am once again struck by something. The bitter, caustic air of the writer? No. The spot-on reasoning? No. The say-it-like-it-is tone, the no-holds-barred approach? No. No. All of that is par for the course.

What is striking (at least to me) about the whole thing is that there is so much for Nametard to even write about. There is a whole community, almost industry if you will, where people feel this need to ask strangers what they think of a certain name, and many more who feel the need to give their opinion.

So why is that? Why are there so many people seeking out the opinions of others on how they will name their child? And why does it bother me so much? Well, I'll tell you why...(although I'm sure Nametard has touched on much of it)

1. It's personal - Uh...duh!!! But you know what I mean. It is a very personal process. One that requires deep reflection, research, thought, and consideration on many different aspects. Knowing that you will soon have a child in your life, you may value names based on family tradition. Or maybe your view of naming comes from the other end of the spectrum, and you desire to find something that really stands out. Maybe you want the name to reflect your cultural heritage, or to honor someone who changed your life. But these reasons, and others as well, come from your own desires. How can you know that anyone your are asking shares your "naming perspective"? You can't.
   
   
2. Who is the authority? - Who is to say that one name is "better?" What is "better?" How can you ever really know that Michael is a "better" name than Ezekiel. You can't. So go ahead and poll 8,000 people. So what of the results? If 7,999 like Michael, is it "better?" Yes? No? Do you like Ezekial?
   
   
3. No experience - The main reason people ask for someones opinion is to find out what that person's past experience has been. This works for many things: "I'm thinking of trying that new sushi restaurant...have you eaten there before?" or "My car mechanic moved out of town - can you recommend someone good?" But this just doesn't work with names. Who, really, has all that much experience choosing a name? Most have 1 or 2 or 3 kids (or none!), so their experience can only be with choosing several names at most. (I'm ignoring any weird outliers, of course.) Would you ask someone who only got their haircut once at Bon Chevaux if they liked the cut? You might. But if you get a bad haircut there, your hair will grow back and you can go somewhere else. But what if you were asking because you had to go to that salon for the rest of your life. Asking someone who has only experienced it once or twice may not be the most reliable source. And this works in reverse too! If they told you the salon sucked and you decided to never go there (i.e. never use that name), it may have only been an isolated bad experience and you would be missing out on something really good.
   
   
4. Different experiences - I guess this rehashes some of the above, but I feel it can hold it's own: Because it is such a personal decision, based on so many of your own personal experiences (I knew too many Jennifers in school, that girl Cindy down the block always teased me, I once had a crush on this guy named Billy...), any perfectly good name to you may be associated with something quite distasteful to someone else. Anyone that has already named their child Gavin will obviously tell you that they like Gavin, and people who haven't named their child Oscar probably didn't because they didn't like that name. Obviously, they have an opinion on the name - but it's based on their desires, their experiences. So, are you really going to rely on other people's experiences/attitudes/prejudices to choose a name? WHY would you?
   
   
5. There is a reason there are thousands of names - Why do these random stranger's opinions even matter? Maybe Tyshaun is perfect for your baby, maybe LeRoy is. But shouldn't you decide that? Will you really change your mind based on some message board comment? If you do, then you should look deeper at your criteria for choosing a name. Because if you want "the public" to like the name you pick, you are doing a disservice to your child. No one can agree anyway - as that's why there are thousands of names! There will always be people who like Tyshaun and hate LeRoy - and vice versa - so really, why do you even ask? If you find 2 people who like it, will you name your child that? 5 people? 20 people? Why this need for "approval" - approval from people you don't know, will never meet, and are really just saying what they like. You might as well just ask the cafeteria worker at the hospital to come by after you deliver and fill in the birth certificate for you. Wouldn't their opinion count?
   
   
6. Just to get a reaction - I often wonder if the real reason people like to ask others what they think of the names they are considering is just to just get a reaction. If the stranger likes it, they get a sense of "Don't you wish you had picked Marquise? Too bad - I thought of it first!" If the stranger says it sucks, they think, "Well, you are just wrong" or "I can't possibly understand why anyone would hate this name" and either way will still pick it. So why the hell did you ask???
   
   
7. Who cares? - Now if I were to ever name another child - and I'm not saying that we are ever going to have any more kids...but if we were - why would I care what cokabean or lindz1083 thought? Who are these people? They mean nothing to me. Now, I may ask a trusted friend or family member, but even then would their opinion really matter? Would I ever just walk up to a stranger on the street and say "Hey, What do you think of Brynlee as a name?" If they said they loved it or hated it, would that change what I thought about it? Would I just then be naming my child based on a few stranger's reactions. Imagine this conversation:
   
   "Mommy, why did you name me Leandro?"
   
   "Oh, honey, it was because Mom2Cori and StealthFire66 liked it. BrownEyedBabe though Demarion was better, but Mom2Cori said that reminded her of an English teacher that gave her a C."
   
   
8. People lie - And then there's the whole issue of telling people the names you are thinking for your child in the first place. People - especially people who know you - are always going to say "Oh I just love that name!" - whether you suggest Raynoldo or Princess (yes - people actually name their children Princess!).Hell, even the message board forums encourage lying. In fact, we know many people that have named their children something we would never use, but we have told them "Oh, that's a good name" before retreating back to our couch to laugh and mock "What the hell were they thinking?" (Come on, we've all done it. Admit it.) Many of you probably don't even care for Kestian or Adelaide - but that doesn't bother me. Those are names that we like, that we chose carefully (without outside opinion), and that's all that matters.
   

So there you have it. But, hey, I was wondering: what do you think of the name Livia?

NASP - Now Enrolling!

Are you a parent with children?

Do you often think to yourself "I suck at this"?

Are you constantly overwhelmed with lengthy conversations about play-doh, string cheese, and poop? Sometimes all at the same time?

Well, you have come to the right place!

Enrollment is once again open for NASP - the National Association of Sucky Parents.

For your $105 annual membership fee, you will have access to all of the following wonderful resources and materials, including day-long seminars on:

• I Let My Children Watch TV - Can They Ever Be Normal Again?
• Yes, You Can Make a Healthy Meal Out of Fruits and Vegetables
• Bathing Your Kids - A Necessity or Just Busy Work?
• Their Hugs and Kisses Aren't Wicked Trickery
• Your Kids Don't Always Have To Pick The Restaurant

In addition, you will find online discussion boards, where you can ask and find answers to questions like:

• How can I tell if my daughter is picking her nose too much?
• Why does my son always laugh at me?
• If I accidentally eat baby poop, will I die?
• If I have some creamer leftover, can it be a good substitute for breastmilk?

But wait - there is more!

For an additional $30.00 you can attend one of two upcoming workshops with top experts who will answer all your questions. Our upcoming workshops are:

October 17, 2009 - Dr. G. (Goodie) Goody will present his famous workshop on "Car Seats - Are They A Waste Of Your Money?" He'll take your questions on why you might want to bother installing one, and the merits of de-activating front passenger airbags in pick-ups. Other discussions may include:

• Should I pick the cow-print seat cover or just go with rainbow?, and
• Front-facing VS. rear-facing. Who cares?

April 24, 2019 - Psychologist P. Prissy Perfect will present a workshop on "Why We Must Feed Our Children." She'll be reviewing such areas as:

• The seven signs that a child is hungry
• Why breastfeeding is NOT anti-government, and
  
• The myth behind "baby food"

Early-Bird Enrollment to NASP is open though the 15th of September, so APPLY NOW! When you become a member, you will receive a laminated membership card ("I Do Not Suck!") which will entitle you to 10% of at any of the following retailers:

• Sucks R Us
• ineveraskedforthis.com
• Wal-Mart

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Official NASP Enrollment Form

(Please print in black ink)

Name: ____________________________________

Address: ___________________________________

Age of Children:

• 1st Child ______________________
• 2nd Child _____________________
• 3rd Child _____________________
• 4th Child _____________________
• Other _______________________

Mail this form, and your payment to:
NASP
123 Road to Improvement Blvd
Lexington, KY

(Cash ONLY Please!)

APPLY NOW!!

Say it with CONVICTION

You know, I often wonder just how good children are at being credible witnesses. Ok, we all know the answer to that, but too often you hear of some terrible molestation case or something where everything hinges on what the child says. Having lived with 2 four-year-olds for the last 6 months, I can say for sure that no young child should ever be called upon as a witness. While they can be convincing, they are not credible!

Let's take a look at a small sample size: my two kids. It may be a biased sample, but it's all I have to work with right now. First we have my oldest son. When his cousin had a birthday this summer and was turning 11, Kestian kept saying "No, he's turning 12! He's already 11 and he's turning 12!" We'd try to tell him, "Well, OK! But really he is turning 11." "No, he's turning 12! He's already 11 and he's turning 12!" We'd go round and round on this, but there was no changing his mind. A court would have no trouble re-issuing Dominick's birth certificate to say "1997" based on Kestian's testimony alone.

Now let's turn this conviction towards what was thought to be resolved, but now seems open for discussion. Many biologists (including Damon) have believed, until now, that one (of probably many) differences between monkeys and gorillas is the fact that monkeys have tails and gorillas don't. But all 4-year-old males polled in my household feel with 100% certainty that the scientific community has it back-asswards. Indeed, gorillas have tails and monkeys don't. And that's final. I'm sure if Kestian attended an ISBE conference, our young one would have a clear chance of destroying the "opposition" in a debate. Bring it on!

But let's not leave out the girl. Our dark-haired maiden seems to have a recollection that mirrors our grand friends, the pachyderms. You see, last year, for Valentine's Day the daycare offered to have a "party" for the kids while the parents went out. We were soooo there! But it was held at a different Kindercare location. No problem. We dropped them off and the kids had a great time while we dined on lobster and steak. But now recently, on our daily commute, we drive by yet another Kindercare, and EVERY time she says "Look! That's where we had our party!" Both Damon and I try to explain that actually it was another Kindercare that looks a lot like this one, but is not this one... She will not be convinced - and she has her brother now convinced too. Believe me, it's bad enough when one is "sure", but forget it when they gang up. Anymore, when they say that we just nod and say, "uh-huh." (Damn Kindercares all looking alike!)

So I think my first-hand experience with two strong-minded children has taught me two things. 1. There is no hope convincing a child to believe anything that is different than what they have decided to be true. 2. If you rely on what the kids say to be truth, you will buy the wrong present for Dominick, look like an idiot at the zoo, and never find the right Kindercare ever again - and possibly be convicted for a felony crime.

BIG NEWS!

OK, I’m probably going to get in trouble, because it’s probably too early to say anything. But it’s killing me. And everyone is going to find out soon enough anyway, right?

So here it is:

We’ve signed the kids up for soccer.

Yes this is BIG NEWS indeed!

I never envisioned myself as a Soccer-Mom. In fact, I still mock the minivans I sit behind at red lights, with their soccer-ball stickers saying “#14 – Kayla.”

But recently the daycare was asking us if the kids – especially Adelaide – were playing sports. We said “No, just some swimming lessons. We often toss or kick a ball with them, but nothing more.” But they said that they were really good at the sports they have been playing at school and we’re surprised that they weren’t in something more organized.

Interesting.

I asked the kids what their favorite sports were, and they listed soccer, baseball (except Kestian said he likes to watch baseball and not play it), and this and that.

(Time passes.)

(We move.)

Then recently, as I’m unpacking yet another box, I find a mailer I received months ago from the Lexington Youth Soccer Association. They were advertising their Fall league. The registration dates on the mailer had long come and gone, but since the season didn’t start until September I thought I would see if they still had room.

Sure enough – there was still room in the Under 5 – Micro League. Perfect.

So I have signed them up – and I think it’s all official but haven’t heard anything yet. But I’m assuming that they will probably be in it and playing starting mid-September.

The kids seem all excited and I guess I am too. After seeing our friends in Canada take their son to soccer, it seemed like it could be good for ours too. And since Jos played all kinds of soccer when she was a kid and turned out "OK" I guess it won't be so bad. And this Micro-League I signed them up for just has one “game” a week, where they practice some before the game, then play, and the games aren’t scored so it’s more about learning the rules and having fun.

I guess I need a minivan now.

New Names, part 2!

Ok, the new names for the kid weren't a big hit with the public, but luckily I haven't sent in the paperwork for the name changes yet, so I'm going to roll again and let their names be left to THE FATES!
Kestian's new name: 73 + 904 (wow, a low and high number, should be interesting)
Adelaide's new name: 220 + 663 (soooo, close).

Once I submit the documents, our new children's names will be:
Carlos Immanuel Orsetti and McKenna Shania Orsetti

Oh yes, those names will do.

New Names!

I've been playing around with this idea on my other blog, so I thought I'd do it here too! The idea is that I am going to roll dice to pick a random name from the top 1000 baby names to give a new name for our own darling Kestian and Adelaide! Each number has an equal chance, so there is no biasing toward the mid numbers or anything. In any event, we will not question the dice! The names are final and the children will be addressed as such starting immediately! Let's cast our lots:
Kestian's new name: #873 + #897 (wow! Two really low numbers right near each other).
Adelaide's new name: #133 + #657

So what are their new names?
Branson Makai Orsetti
Angela Arabella Orsetti

Hey, they could easily pass off as real names of non-clever white suburbanites!

Vaykaysean

Pictures, pictures, pictures. I got some pictures...

Rather than multiple posts detailing the excruciating details of our daily travels (who does that?), I'm summing it all up here. Also, I'm soooo not inspired right now.

Yes, we drove to the shore. Only 12 hours - EACH WAY. Surprisingly the car is not over-flowing with crap this time.

Hotels are the best place to get all your toys out. I did not know that Barbie could bend like that.

Yes, that is a giraffe on her back. What's it to you?
You'd think this is just a picture of the kids running by, but actually the kids are expert freeze-frame'rs!

Now you see Adelaide...

...or is it Kestian?

Tinker Toys - you have been dominated!

Ice cream on the boardwalk...in 90-degree-heat...is that a good thing?

Ahhh....

Surries! Who frowns while riding a surrey!

Adelaide never "tired" of this...

Ever since he lost his tight-walking pole, it's never been as fun...

Story Book Land. $20 per person - including the parents. Remain calm. You will all have a chance to be gouged. (In case you didn't know...that's a quote from the Simpsons....)

Uh oh. Spotted.

Awww.

In true form, Kestian displays his "all the teeth in his mouth" smile.

We had to wait for these annoying people to get out of the picture we were trying to take. Apparently, they did not mind our kids in their picture.

BEACH!

Oh glorious beach!!

Seriously - isn't Kestian the cutest here?

Group picture...

My sentiments exactly...

Hat twins.

Putt-putt.

The kids actually didn't suck at this game. Who knew?

Dance...dance...dance!

I just know they are plotting something.

Going Home ... or Finding My Religion. You pick.

I was fortunate enough to grow up in many neat places when I was a child. Really, I should say "awesome" because everywhere I lived I was within a short trip to the ocean. While some of you may already be yawning ("Ocean? Big deal!") this was actually really important to me. It has always been my anchor (haha, no pun intended!).

Yes, yes, many people like to go to the beach. But, you see, I have some deep attraction to the beach and ocean that I just can't explain (or ignore) very well. I don't know if it's the sound of the waves, the feel of the sand, the warm sun mixed with the cool breeze, the calls of the seagulls, the freedom to just play all day without care... It's probably all of that, and then some.

But whether or not I can explain this attraction (and I know Damon doesn't share the same beach affinity that I have), I do know how it all started. Living in a military family, we moved around a bit when I was a child. After a brief stint in Philadelphia and Virgina Beach, my first real memories were of living in Hawaii. For five years I enjoyed the beach, the sand, the ocean. We were always going sailing or hiking or swimming. At least that's what I remember, and I'm pretty sure all those hours of beach and sun crept into my blood like a vampire's bite. And once you are truly bitten, it becomes a part of you.

So living in Hawaii for those years indoctrinated my body and soul to all things beach. I can remember standing chest deep in the crystal clear waters and looking down at my wriggling toes. I can remember building sand castles on the Black Sand beach. I can remember the taste of the salt spray as I learned to sail a boat. It all fed me at an unconscious level.

Hawaii was wonderful, but it was not meant to be our permanent residence. After our stay in Hawaii, we moved to San Diego. Hardly a comparison, beach-wise, but at least we were still close to the water. While the waters were muddied and less than satisfactory, I do remember on a crisp, clear day seeing the reflection from the ocean out our kitchen window (even though we were miles from it). I was comforted knowing it was always nearby.

Our time in California soon came to an end as well, and another move placed our family in the heart of Maryland. A completely different ocean was now nearby. While nothing ever compares to the Hawaiian kahakai ("beach" to you mainlanders) it was the ocean nonetheless.

It was while living in Maryland that I discovered Stone Harbor, NJ. Back then it was a small vacation hamlet on one of the islands in South Jersey (I say "South Jersey" because it is a state unto itself, quite the reverse of "North Jersey"). My family's family had a place there where many relatives had convened upon for decades (and still do!). It was the scene for picnics, barbecues, vacations, and family gatherings. I only have fond memories of that place. And while Stone Harbor has gotten all built up and over-crowded in recent years, it still is beautiful. So much for being "my little secret."

Time passed and I went to college and my parents eventually moved out to South Jersey. Can you think of anything better? My parents - with a house near the shore? Awesome! It made me wonder if God really did exist. Every summer since I moved to Maryland in 8th grade has included either a brief or extended trip to Stone Harbor, Ocean City, Cape May, and all things around it. Having grown up with the water always nearby, I truly cannot imagine my life without it. And I'm drawn to it every year because I have this deep-rooted drive constantly pulling me back, like the moon tugging at the tides. With my parents now living nearby the water, I had an even greater attachment to it.

Then I met my dear love (Hi Damon!) and we moved to Arizona. Yey. The desert. While it was a fun time out there - truly on my own, newly married - it was never home. I mean, when you park your car at the post office in front of a Saguaro, it doesn't exactly scream "water!" Such as it was.

Academic prospects soon relocated us to Kentucky - still in the "middle of nowhere" as far as I was concerned. But we were now just a day's drive to my parent's house - and the beach. I was soon able to resume my annual pilgrimage to the water, seeking baptism from my ocean god Neptune.

Every year now, we try to make a trip out to the shore. We may have missed a summer when the kids were born, but otherwise, I think our attendance record is pretty clean. However, this year, we had decided that our vacation would be something a little different. Canada was our destination. It was an awesome trip, the kids were pretty good, and we spent time with some good friends. But it wasn't the beach.

But that's how we planned it and I didn't think much of doing anything more. That is, until I saw this:


Damn you Chris! You know I was doing just fine, but NOOOO... You had to be all, "Look at me! I'm at your favorite beach! For two weeks! NaaaNaaa!"

Damn.

A quick look at my pay stub to see just how much vacation I still had, a most-worthwhile bargain made with my husband (don't ask the details), a call to my parents, and an email to my boss, and the plan was set. I, too, would get to go to the beach. For a whole week! Back to the place where I never get lost, where my spirit is cleansed, and where I get to eat all the Tastykakes I can find.

While the time will pass too quickly from the moment I first smell the salty air, it will be an awesome trip and I already feel peace coming over me. For someone who has lived all over the country, and therefore with no true roots in any one place, I know one thing: When I am near the water...I am home.

Duecentomila

If I would describe myself in one word, it would be ‘pretty good at bejeweled.’ This may not seem like a contentious issue with most folk, but it drives an absolute wedge between me and some others I know. My darling wife, for instance, tries her best to do well at bejeweled, but (bless her) it is like watching National Geographic when that newborn wildebeest is spotted by the pack of Cape hunting dogs. Sure you think she has a chance, evading one dog, getting a sparkly gem, and being within a sprint of the rest of the herd, but then it happens: there is a second of inability to find a three-gem combination allowing the rest of the dogs to catch up and wrap their teeth around her legs. When the final gem explosion happens, there is little left but bones and the sound of distant hoofs as the dogs leave sated from their fest. The vultures soon swoop in wondering if she should have held onto the fiver gem until she was stuck.

And then there is my brother. Oh, yes, I got both of them to start playing, but only one plays via Facebook, which tracks your high score and compares you to your ‘friends’. Poor, poor brother of mine, he had no chance! I know he thinks he is awesome at video games and all, but you know all those years while you were a teenager and all and were out skipping school, toking up, and hanging out with girls? Well, I didn’t do any of those things, but instead I played video games. And I am good. Damn good. Sure, I have nothing on the younger crop of pasty virgins sitting in their mother’s basement playing WoW, but I still am damn good. So, don’t feel so bad about me being better than you, because while I may be able to lord over you with my ‘awesome in Bejeweled’ accomplishments, you probably beat me in the ‘actually having touched a female breast in high school’ part of life.

Sadly, Bejeweled has been down on Facebook the last day or so because they’ve been having problems with it not recording some scores (including two of my high scores over 125k), so instead of the time in which I normally play it, I will sit back and reflect on it. Either that or I will gloat over my newest high score.

Yeah, I’ll pick that second option.

This past week has been a real eye-opener for me; I have decided to give up my non-believing ways! I have had a revelation, and now I know there is a God because I. am. him.


200k! It was a game of a lifetime, one that I WILL tell my grandchildren about (I’ve already told my children). I was playing and everything was just going well, when I looked down at the score and time for a split second. That, by the way, is almost always a bad idea because it throws you off, takes you away from the game, and gives you more pressure. But I just HAD to. I got the double score early, and then the triple and quadruple in short order (never got the quintuple one, oddly considering my score), and I needed to know! So when I looked down, I noticed I had 25 seconds left and was already on 130k. Oh shit, ‘just don’t mess up’ was the thought in my head (well, ‘just don’t fuck up’ actually, but I don’t want to cuss on the blog) and I didn’t! Wow, it was pure awesome, and afterwards I showed Laura, took the screenshot, wiped off, and called a couple people to tell them about it.

The thing with a score that high is that there is a tremendous amount of luck involved, but no amount of luck will put you in the situation to get the high score if you suck. A favorite quote of mine that I get from Baseball Prospectus (don’t know where they get it and I can’t be bothered to Google it) is ‘luck is the residual of good design’, though you can substitute ‘good skill’ for ‘good design’ in this case. If you play enough time you will get a really high score, but the chances of you getting a really high score are better if you are better. Yeah, me explainy good not today, I know.

But, am I really that good, or just luck? I decided to run the numbers and compare me, Laura, and Paul’s scores. Here are the number of times we scored in each of the following categories (note that each category is mutually exclusive, so if I score in 50k it does not show up as also 25k).



Neato stuff. First thing that jumps out is ‘holy shit you guys play a lot’, but most of my playing is when I am doing audio-only Italian, so it isn’t totally wasted time. Also, these are conservative estimates of games because they don’t count the ‘under 25k’ games (which are rare for me anyway).

It got me thinking: What would be a good measure of one’s overall skill in bejeweled? At first I thought of a 25k:100+k ratio, but that wouldn’t work for people like my brother who would be in infinity (keep at it bro, you’ll break 100k one of these day! Same with you Jos Weldon!). 25k:50k might work well, since it show the relative amount of low to medium scores, but it still doesn’t grab me as a good measure.

I decided to go with the 25k:75+k ratio as a measure of ‘Bejeweled quality’ (BQ). Here is my thinking: 25k is reasonably easy to get and the lowest score tallied, so it should be the baseline for ‘weak’ scores. 50k is good, but relatively easy to get, so we’ll ignore it. 75k has the advantage of being relatively difficult to get, but not so prohibitively difficult (like over 100k for some people) that it would be impossible to compare the novices to ‘spends way too much time’ players. And even though it won’t really effect the numbers that much, I’ll lump everything over 75 into the 75 category to get better definition.

So how does this measure work out? Remember, the smaller the number the better:

Me: 1.968
Paul: 4.721
Laura: 11.545

Unfortunately the game is down so I can’t see my brother (or Joslyne’s) data. What this means is for about every two games that I only score 25k (to 50k) in, I also score one high scoring game (over 75k), while it takes Laura almost six times as long to get a higher scoring game.

Now I have devised a good measure of BQ, once the game comes back up we can compare each other.

I really don’t have a good closing for this piece, so I’ll leave with a punch line from a dirty joke that I mangled trying to tell my friend when I was 10: “if he’s up that far honey, then I can’t help you.”

Good intentions...

This morning was like any other morning. Except that it was Monday. And except that Kestian was particularly clingy. Of course, Mondays come and go every week, but usually the kids are happy to be at school. Not today. Not for Kestian.

So, feeling guilt-ridden as usual, leaving my boy crying as we left the daycare, I had the brilliant idea of visiting the kids at lunch. Now, parents are always welcome to come in at any time, including lunch, to visit. But I asked the kids recently if any other parents often came in for lunch. They said that parents "don't do that", and were almost incredulous at the idea. Parents? Eating lunch in our class? Never! Knowing this, I figured they would feel so special if Damon and I surprised them.

And indeed, we were welcomed with hugs and excitement when we showed up and told the kids that we'd be staying for lunch. Soon Adelaide was telling all her friends that her Mommy and Papa were going to stay to eat lunch with her (and Kestian). I could tell Kestian was excited too, although he was more subtle about it.

So we joined 20 other 4 year-olds as we sat on miniature chairs and dined on hamburger-macaroni, peas and carrots, bread, cheese, apples, and milk that strangely comes from a box. We were quickly schooled in the required etiquette for the meal. One girl had already been designated "The Passer" and we were informed that she would start passing each item before anyone else. No one was to start eating until everything was passed around. First she passed the bowls, then the cups and spoons, then the napkins, then the milk, then the peas and carrots. Finally, mealtime!

Adelaide chose my seat (next to her) and then Kestian on the end, flanked by Damon. Adelaide chomped away on her apple (she always eats her fruit first), then her macaroni and cheese and bread. Kestian lingered on his cheese, before casually eating his bread and then apple. Despite all the pasta we eat at home, he would not touch his macaroni (do I even need to mention about the peas and carrots?). After lengthy discussions about stickers on apples, who's "allergic" to milk, and when it is appropriate to raise one's hand, lunchtime was over.

So before we left, we stayed a few minutes while the kids showed us their "new" classroom. While Kestian showed Damon around the room, Adelaide took me from station to station, running her fingers over the sign Dramatic Play, saying "See! Home Living!", and declaring "Look! Hula Hoops!" as she read the sign Music and Dance. She showed me the velcro squares stuck on the wall at each station where each kid hangs their name tag, indicating just how many kids were allowed to be at that station at a time.

Alas it was time to go. Adelaide, walked up to us like a penguin (that's her thing today) and said bye. And this time (according to my plan), Kestian was so much better than this morning. He gave us a quick hug and kiss, and ran off to be with his friends. Success!

Oh wait. I got that wrong. He was even more clingy than in the morning - crying and running out into the hall. It was bad enough that his parents left him there once today, but now they are deserting him again. Nice.

So, my eligibility for the Best-Mother-Of-The-Year award has been revoked, moving others that have had more recent success higher up in the ranking. My plan tonight was to do more unpacking, but clearly I'll be busy feeling guilty about today and trying to find a way to make up for the pain I have unduly inflicted.

L.O.V.E.